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Marisapaige1

553d

I know this is wrong and I definitely have disordered thinking so please don’t assume I’m glamorizing mental illness and please don’t attack me for this- But I get so jealous of other people who have mental disorders or have self harmed. I honestly don’t know why. It’s driving me crazy though and this whole outpatient program I’m doing at the mental hospital is making it worse. The people in my groups talk about their diagnosis’s and I just feel this ENVY! I wish I had a label. I wish my mental illness was more “severe”. I wish my self harm scars actually showed. I know this is wrong.. I just need to vent and idk where else to do that :( Any advice? I feel like such a shitty person

Top reply
    • infinityoncb

      497d

      I was always someone who had passive self harm thoughts- I thought about it constantly, but never acted upon it. I understand wanting to “prove” you are ill. To me, it felt like trying to fit in with the cool kids in the cafeteria, except I wasn’t trying to be cool- I was trying to be proven as mentally ill. Your struggles are valid. I feel like my experience of this was about seeking validation from others. Maybe do some research and get some resources on self-validation

    • infinityoncb

      497d

      I was always someone who had passive self harm thoughts- I thought about it constantly, but never acted upon it. I understand wanting to “prove” you are ill. To me, it felt like trying to fit in with the cool kids in the cafeteria, except I wasn’t trying to be cool- I was trying to be proven as mentally ill. Your struggles are valid. I feel like my experience of this was about seeking validation from others. Maybe do some research and get some resources on self-validation

    • healthphie

      497d

      no I feel this so hard, I feel like my mental and physical illnesses aren’t valid enough and want something that would validate me

    • CinderLorel

      497d

      Honestly. I understand, i self harmed wen i was younger but i have no scars to prove it, i just dont scar easy. I find my self jealous of those that have the scars from self harming….My therapist theorized that it is because they have proof that they went through it, no one questions that they did it unlike with me. It is likely u are envious of people with more ‘severe’ mental illness because you feel like you’d be taken more serious about it. I know that’s how i am

    • Hazlee

      553d

      Aww, I’m sorry you feel this way. I encourage doing like individual therapy. I’ve been in group therapist before and I understand how it makes it feel worse listening to others problems. Trust me you don’t need to label yourself. You are who you are. Don’t let mental health identify yourself of who you really are bc you are worth it and are good.

      • Marisapaige1

        553d

        @Hazlee thank you. That means a lot😢💕

    • Mafuyu

      553d

      I understand what you mean. Please don’t think that this makes you a bad person! We can’t help how we feel sometimes. I have a theory, and I really don’t want you to take this the wrong way or get upset. When I was younger, I felt the same way. Everyone at the hospital had more “labels” than I did, and I became envious of them. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I felt this way because of the attention that they got because of their mental illnesses. They got more attention from the people in their lives because of them, and I had wanted attention too. But being this way doesn’t make you an “attention seeker”!! We all want to feel special sometimes, and when we see people being treated as if they are special we can become envious and jealous without even realizing why. Maybe you are feeling this way because, deep down, you want some of the attention that they are receiving? And if that is the case, it’s completely okay to feel that way!! like I said, it doesn’t make you a bad person to want attention. As for your self harm, I think that may fall under the same reasoning. When people have scars that show, they get questioned about it or get help for them. Meaning they get attention from it. It may be the same thing. Again, if I’m wrong and that’s not why you feel that way I’m sorry! I’m just trying to think of reasons you may feel that way. I really hope you’re able to feel better about it though! I know it can be awful feeling that way; I’ve been there.

      • Marisapaige1

        553d

        @Mafuyu thank you and I think you’re right. I struggle to find self validation so im constantly seeking external validation :( your comment means a lot though, thank you💕

    • Simon

      553d

      I vaguely understand this. My therapist tells me it’s because people want their mental illness to have a physical appearance, to show how bad it is. Sort of like asking for attention, or just wanting to be recognized for this illness like you would a physical one. As far as I know it’s pretty normal, I would just say do not try self harm, or keep self harming. It’s a really slippery slope to fall down, speaking from experience.

    • JingleP

      553d

      This is definitely a common thing to think when you’re mentally not great. It doesn’t make you shitty. The whole “glamorizing mental illness” is taken a bit too far. I suggest you spend less time on online circles that talk about that stuff. It’s very normal to be jealous because we often get invalidated for not feeling like we’re sick enough to feel bad for or get treatment. It’s normal to get thoughts like “I wish I was actively suicidal so my mental illness is more valid!” I often get dizzy but never close to fainting and I often find myself thinking “I wish I would actually faint once so it would validate the fact that it affects my daily function.” Try to recognize that these thoughts are valid but it doesn’t reflect your actual wishes. Instead of actually getting worse it would much more benefit you to get better. Try to reframe these thoughts and instead remind yourself that you don’t actually want to feel worse, you just want to feel valid for being sick even if it’s “milder” than others. You don’t need to be more sick! Be gentle on yourself 💕

      14

      • Marisapaige1

        553d

        @JingleP thank you so much for commenting. It’s just so hard sometimes… I’m still working on that self-love :,) it’s true that I beat myself up way too often 😥

      • CinderLorel

        553d

        @JingleP I agree with this human. It’s not that your “glamorizing” it, it’s the fact that you wish people saw your struggle they way they see those with visible scars. I have moments like that too. My skin heals rather fast so none of my scars are visible and people say that means I’m making up having done it for attention. This isn’t anything to feel bad about. You just want someone to notice you and that you’re not doing so great. 💕

        • catlover55

          512d

          @CinderLorel Exactly! That last sentence especially... I've struggled for years with my mental health, but almost no one knew how severe it was because it didn't show like a physical illness.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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