sospuddles

209d

Tips for building self esteem after finding out your partner has been unfaithful? I’m looking to reconcile, so please don’t recommend for me to just “dump them” It has been severely triggering for my PTSD, depression, and I’m having nonstop autistic shutdowns since this discovery. 😮‍💨

Depression

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  • gullybogger

    209d

    hi puddles, I found out my partner cheated on me about five months ago and it definitely broke me down. I have practiced gratitude and faith on the daily since, praying more often than I used to, and constantly reminding myself of all the good things in my life. for example, being cheated on taught me that I deserve to be treated better. it taught me how to be tougher and use my coping methods more efficiently. you can take just about any bad thing in your life and make some sort of good about it, because it has taught you lessons. and for the things so good they taught you a lesson without pain, keep those happy memories close. continue in therapy and continue to practice your coping methods, especially gratitude, with an emphasis on self-love and reminders that you deserve someone as loyal as you. if you are religious, continue your connections with God and remind yourself that you cannot afford to be so upset about a sinner . . . rather enjoy what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown from the difficult experience

    • sospuddles

      209d

      I’m not religious, but this was helpful. Thank you!

  • D3stiny

    209d

    My partner has cheated on me once. We’re past in now but I’m still salty about it sometimes. I try to see the positive now and all the good things my partner has done with me. Looking at the negative side of things will only make it worse. But if your partner cheats on you more than once? Definitely have a civil conversation about it and what are the next steps for that relationship. While your at it find someone who will treat you better.

    • sospuddles

      209d

      This is a great practice for setting boundaries, at the very least.

  • StopTacoHate

    209d

    Ive realized over time that cheating has nothing to do with you..it comes from insecurity in the persons heart.

  • Emo_Enby_99

    209d

    I know you said you don't want to dump your partner, but in my opinion it's only going to open yourself up for more wounds and possible abuse down the road if you stay with someone who doesn't value you. If you want to try to make it work, then couples therapy, and leaving if it happens again. I can't, and won't, support cheaters. In my opinion if you cheated, you never loved your partner in the first place. Nonetheless I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do

  • sospuddles

    209d

    I literally asked for people not to advocate for leaving and simply asked for helpful self esteem tips. 😞 I know that cheating really hurts people, I mean it destroyed me. But reconciliation is difficult, and I yearned for mental health support outside my partner. I wish this sub was more supportive to my symptoms rather than judging my agency to make my own decision (which I’ve already made) because leaving is the only “right” option.

  • TheBigSpook

    209d

    Sospuddles im so sorry these people aren’t respecting what you asked for. It’s easier to just keep scrolling and mind your own business instead of leaving judgemental and hateful comments. Try to ignore them if you can. If you are set on staying, that is absolutely up to you and I respect your decision. It’s your relationship and your decision to make. Advice on self esteem. I’ve actually been working a lot with my own self esteem in therapy lately! My therapist gave me some homework a few weeks ago that every night I was to write down 5 things I liked about myself. I did it in my phone notes. Then the next week every night I wrote down one thing I liked about myself, how that thing served me, and how I could honor/celebrate that thing. (Example: I like my sense of style. It gives me confidence and uniqueness. I can honor it by dressing up more often. )

  • AnimalBoy

    208d

    I'm sorry that I previously jumped straight into saying you should break up with him, it seems like this isn't really healthy for you but you're the only who can make that call and that's not an excuse. While I, and everyone who ibe supported through this, didn't feel like I ever truly healed until I was away from the relationship at least for a short amount of time there were a few things that made life more manageable afterwards. For one a lot of people will tell you that of someone cheats on you they never loved you, it's very very important to remember that this isn't true. There are many situations where cheating happens while the person still loves the person they cheated on and it's just going to hurt you more to believe that he doesn't, even if you don't mean to, if you're still trying to keep a relationship. It may help to ask him to do things with you that help reestablish a bond. It's also important to remind yourself as often as possible that your partner cheating on you is a failure on their part and not yours, whether that failure be bad decision making, lack of communication, or malicious intent is not a reflection of you it's a reflection of him and your value is not dictated by his decisions. It's an important time to focus on growing your sense of worth and self esteem outside of your partner and relationships while also balancing that with growing your sense of security and emotional wellbeing in your relationship. Part of this includes redrawing the boundaries and communicating with your partner about what you both feel will help you have a healthy and functional relationship, an unstable relationship can still hurt you even if everything else, including your own perception of yourself, is healthy. Please be careful.

  • Heartracer

    207d

    I suggested going to Counsling as a couple and alone. Self esteem building would be positive complements to yourself. Being kind to yourself. Maybe doing things that make you feel good about yourself . Like working out , eating right , doing things that make you happy like passions hobbies. Loving your self . There is such a thing as a confidence coach . There are also books you can read for personal growth. Just a couple examples . I love the 5 love languages , my husband and I did that as a two day class it was cool learning about one another. Another helpful tool is personality test and things to better understand yourself and what makes you happy. Your more then welcome to message me if you have questions.

  • TheDreamingKind

    207d

    hi. self esteem has always been difficult for me but i focus on little, nice things for myself. because i deserve nice things in my life. like having my favorite ice cream or just a cup of tea to wind down, spending more time with my cat- little, simple, enjoyable things. they can be anything you'd like. i know it can be very, very difficult to do things for yourself sometimes, but the little things will add up over time. focusing on those instead of broad things is less overwhelming, i've found. and, over time, after you have the habit of nice things for you it gets easier to believe you deserve those little things. i hope this helps.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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