brabbit

88d

"I want to die" keeps repeating in my brain & I don't know how to make it stop.. I notice it only happens when I'm at home alone but I'm also a night shift worker so that's unavoidable most of the time. I'm also on stimulants for ADHD & antidepressants as well. Does this happen to anyone else? & how do you deal with it??

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Innocence

    88d

    Write dance draw ride my inside bike 🚲 scream in a pillow cry in the 🚿 shower record my thoughts out loud on my phone and then play them back to myself honestly to see how silly I sound and then how stupid I feel and I also feel like you do as well but I try to get over it and I think it will pass it will pass and it does pass but at the moment it does not feel like it will I don't know who you are I don't know how you feel but I can definitely relate

    • brabbit

      88d

      thank you so much ❤️ hearing what helps other people makes it a tad more manageable

  • PorcelainKat

    88d

    Sometimes those medicines can make it worse. It's a side-effect listed, but who knows how common it is. For me, it helps to work through why I'm having the ideations. Then I remind myself of the things I want to do, places I want to go, anything that would make my future a little brighter

  • brabbit

    88d

    I had been on those meds for a while & the thoughts weren't as often but I was also using substances to dissociate so.... I've experienced a lot of huge life changes recently with some PTSD mixed in after an abusive relationship I was in so it's like.. I know I'm much better off right now being away from that situation but my narcissist literally destroyed me. I don't know who I am or what I want sometimes. The only thing that seems to help is dissociating 😬

  • SoniKuri

    88d

    You are awesome and special and don't deserve to die. I'm sorry that you have this thought going through your mind and I have been there. It's a horrible feeling 😞 I'm sure there are people in your life that you mean a lot to and would be sad if you died 💔 just know that you are not alone and you can message me anytime God loves you and so do I please take care 😊

  • CameronElizabeth

    88d

    Thoughts are optional. You can say, "no thank you," to the "I want to die" thought offering and choose something else instead. How about, "God loves me, and I was created for a purpose." I also strongly recommend talking to your doctor ASAP, because suicidal thoughts can be a side effect of your meds. I know it's tough right now, but hang in there.

    • brabbit

      87d

      we just started changing my med regimen this past week. Thank you so much for your advice ,❤️

  • BexC

    88d

    Yes it does happen. Not as much as it used to but it still does. What are you generally doing right before you start thinking this?

    • brabbit

      87d

      nothing super triggering. Usually tending to responsibilities/chores

      • BexC

        87d

        for me it is something that has gone wrong that triggers it. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing and I start thinking that I'm worthless and I don't want to be here anymore.

  • Green_

    88d

    I’ve been experiencing this lately too. And I’m on an antidepressant. For me, it’s not actually serious. I’m in an alright place right now, and I don’t want to die. But sometimes when I’m dealing with a problem, even really small ones, the thought comes in my mind, almost like a joke. But I don’t want to make that joke. It’s not funny to me. It just feels like unhealthy coping. At least from my perspective. I know a lot of people who make dark humor jokes as a form of coping, and I really admire this. That they can joke about because it’s not real, but it’s something that was real in the past. But for me, it’s still hard not to make it real. No matter how much recovery I’ve been through, I’m still really afraid of that place. Even joking about it makes it real again. When I’d like to convince myself it wasn’t. I think this is something I need to work through to be able to tell myself that it was real, but it’s in the past. I think this way I can move on from it, and those thoughts. And I hope you can too. <3

    • brabbit

      87d

      what are some things you do that help you in moving on from those thoughts?

      • Green_

        87d

        honestly for the moment I’ve just been using distractions from them. A lot of the same things the first commenter said. I also use social media like YouTube to get my mind off of it. I like to read, write, and draw sometimes when these feelings come up. Listening to really loud music and screaming the lyrics. And then nothing like a good ol depression nap to make that stuff go away for a lil bit.

  • Stigmatico

    87d

    I'm in a similar situation. The one thing that helps me is work. Without work I'd probably be dead.

    • brabbit

      87d

      same! That's literally the only time that my brain feels somewhat normal.

  • JingleP

    86d

    You can definitely try different meds if you feel the meds are causing or worsening the thoughts. It’s ok to have the thoughts. Thought don’t actually have to reflect your feelings and you don’t need to act on them. Sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts I just think like “I don’t actually feel that but I feel like thinking that but it doesn’t actually mean anything.” I’ve been practicing this thing where you use mental imagery for your thoughts. Like putting them in a container and putting it away to look at later. Or watching the thought just float away. Try not to let those thoughts have too much weight or scare you into believing them. Sometimes I can rationalize the thought away a bit. Like when I didn’t do a good job eating or sleeping on a particular day, I find myself thinking “well I didn’t deserve to eat it sleep anyway 😌” but I don’t actually believe that, I just felt guilty for not eating or sleeping and tried to justify it. It’s ok to have these kind of thoughts sometimes and they won’t harm you. But if it’s bothering too much on the daily changing meds might be a good idea. I know my mom had a similar thing with having suicidal thoughts even though she didn’t actually feel suicidal because of the meds she was taking. She didn’t realize it was a side effect at the time and just ignored it and went about her day lol. Best of luck to you ♥️

    • brabbit

      85d

      I really like the mental imagery idea & I think I'll give that a try. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️

  • coder87

    86d

    I was on SSRI antidepressants for years on and off. They worked to an extent, but i still had breakdowns and server shifts in my mental state. I'm now on Abilify and it works so much better for me. You may want to talk to your doctor about trying a mood stabilizer. It could be a better fit

    • brabbit

      85d

      I will definitely look into those. Thank you so much! Have you been diagnosed with anything other than anxiety/depression?

      • coder87

        83d

        yes! I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia, which is kind of like a milder Bipolar. I'm always up to chat if you have other questions or just need somebody to talk to 🙂

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