Can't Stop Thinking About Suicide

I was on SSRI antidepressants for years on and off. They worked to an extent, but i still had breakdowns and server shifts in my mental state. I'm now on Abilify and it works so much better for me. You may want to talk to your doctor about trying a mood stabilizer. It could be a better fit

You can definitely try different meds if you feel the meds are causing or worsening the thoughts. It’s ok to have the thoughts. Thought don’t actually have to reflect your feelings and you don’t need to act on them. Sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts I just think like “I don’t actually feel that but I feel like thinking that but it doesn’t actually mean anything.” I’ve been practicing this thing where you use mental imagery for your thoughts. Like putting them in a container and putting it away to look at later. Or watching the thought just float away. Try not to let those thoughts have too much weight or scare you into believing them. Sometimes I can rationalize the thought away a bit. Like when I didn’t do a good job eating or sleeping on a particular day, I find myself thinking “well I didn’t deserve to eat it sleep anyway 😌” but I don’t actually believe that, I just felt guilty for not eating or sleeping and tried to justify it. It’s ok to have these kind of thoughts sometimes and they won’t harm you. But if it’s bothering too much on the daily changing meds might be a good idea. I know my mom had a similar thing with having suicidal thoughts even though she didn’t actually feel suicidal because of the meds she was taking. She didn’t realize it was a side effect at the time and just ignored it and went about her day lol. Best of luck to you ♥️

I'm in a similar situation. The one thing that helps me is work. Without work I'd probably be dead.

I’ve been experiencing this lately too. And I’m on an antidepressant. For me, it’s not actually serious. I’m in an alright place right now, and I don’t want to die. But sometimes when I’m dealing with a problem, even really small ones, the thought comes in my mind, almost like a joke. But I don’t want to make that joke. It’s not funny to me. It just feels like unhealthy coping. At least from my perspective. I know a lot of people who make dark humor jokes as a form of coping, and I really admire this. That they can joke about because it’s not real, but it’s something that was real in the past. But for me, it’s still hard not to make it real. No matter how much recovery I’ve been through, I’m still really afraid of that place. Even joking about it makes it real again. When I’d like to convince myself it wasn’t. I think this is something I need to work through to be able to tell myself that it was real, but it’s in the past. I think this way I can move on from it, and those thoughts. And I hope you can too. <3

Yes it does happen. Not as much as it used to but it still does. What are you generally doing right before you start thinking this?

Thoughts are optional. You can say, "no thank you," to the "I want to die" thought offering and choose something else instead. How about, "God loves me, and I was created for a purpose." I also strongly recommend talking to your doctor ASAP, because suicidal thoughts can be a side effect of your meds. I know it's tough right now, but hang in there.

Write dance draw ride my inside bike 🚲 scream in a pillow cry in the 🚿 shower record my thoughts out loud on my phone and then play them back to myself honestly to see how silly I sound and then how stupid I feel and I also feel like you do as well but I try to get over it and I think it will pass it will pass and it does pass but at the moment it does not feel like it will I don't know who you are I don't know how you feel but I can definitely relate