Struggling with a Breakup and Mental Health

I’m not sure where to start. Hopefully this isn’t considered off-topic. Basically, I was with my girlfriend 6 years, and she knew about my health issues and watched them progress as my life fell apart. She was always by my side. We did everything together and loved each other immensely and I will always love her. However, we recently had moved out from my abusive grandparents and in with her parents a good hour and a half away from my home city. I moved all my belongings there, never imagining we’d ever separate. But a few months in after moving, she cheated on me. We would argue or I’d have breakdowns and she’d go to her mom’s work, which was a bar, and cry. Some guy came in and took advantage of her while she was upset, and she ran off with him. I trusted her more than anyone I’d ever trusted, I never got jealous (I did in the beginning-paranoia from being cheated on in all my previous relationships) but that quickly dissipated. Anyway, I opened our shared laptop so I could add her on Facebook (I had just remade one to message her, but could not find her on my phone, and knowing she always had it open on the laptop, I figured I’d open it and add myself) and she had messages with some guy open, dating back maybe a month or two, speaking sexually, talking about romance, saying things like they couldn’t wait to see each other, and she had said “yeah, I just told him I was going to babysit some lady’s dogs for a few hours.” I had to find a ride back to the city, and found a ‘friend’ that was going to let me stay with him, but then didn’t reply when I got here. I brought only some clothes, necessities, and my dog and two cats. No more food stamps, as it was in her name, so I left the card. I was going to end up homeless, but luckily I found a spot in a friend’s garage and some other friends helped me financially. This took a lot of the pressure off, but my ex is completely ignoring me, and it’s making everything so much harder. The few things she told me, was that she had felt like my “caretaker” and was “pretending to love me while on autopilot.” This has all been burned into my mind. I have always been suicidal throughout my life, and I feel it very difficult to refrain from thinking or considering it as days pass by. I used to be a personal trainer, but the lockdowns ruined that. I found a job at the Taco Bell down the street until I can save enough for a cheap used car, and to get my training license back. My health issues make this job pretty difficult but I have no choice, and don’t know how to apply for assistance or if I qualify for anything. I have to pay rent and provide for my dog (my cats are with a friend until I’m back on my feet). I try to look at cars I want and write down my goals and reasons for doing this, like not sleeping with roaches, getting my belongings back, etc. but everything feels near pointless without her in my life, I feel empty and broken and defeated. She was such a help, as in just feeling she loved me, and we’d spend time together and I always had her, but she’d also help me make my appointments when I couldn’t, she’d help me talk on the phone, help me keep it all together. We had so many fun amazing times together, the memories really mess me up every day. How do I pull through this without her? How can I get over her after I spent the last 25% of my life with her and cherished every second? I have no family and the friends I have I don’t speak with or see that often. Everything material seems worthless if I can’t share it with her, I feel I’ve lost purpose, I feel I’ve lost support, it’s so difficult to keep moving, I just center my mind on my dog, or I try to. Maybe if she didn’t completely ignore me and we could talk or be friends it would help. After everything I’ve dealt with in life I feel I’ve hit rock bottom. She told me to go get help, but now won’t even speak to me. I’m worried if I try medication it will interfere with holding this job. I also don’t want to find a medication that works and then have my insurance run out and not be able to afford it. I resent myself for letting my health drive a wedge into my relationship, or maybe it was more about cheating and this was the easy way out for her. Does anyone have any tips or advice to push through this situation? Maybe somewhere I can make some friends? Or what I should try to apply for assistance-wise? And maybe reassurance on the medication aspect, as I feel I should at least try, considering a life without it has lead me here. But I’ve read a lot of horror stories about them, and I worry about it affecting my creativity, or making my suicidal thoughts/tendencies worse. Smoking weed always helped, but I can’t afford it anymore, so I had to quit about a year ago, this also made things worse. I feel so dead, I feel helpless and hopeless, everything I love is gone, and the only person I love and thought loved me hates me now and has easily forgotten everything and moved on. And it feels even worse when she says this is all because of my mental health, which she had always been there through it all and the times it was bad I told her to leave me, and she begged me to stay. Now I beg her just to speak to me, and she won’t even do that. This is so difficult. I’m trying to push through but I worry what my future holds, I worry I’ll never recover and that my health will always interfere with finding happiness or maintaining stability in life.