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pfunkie

635d

I feel so lost right now. I am not at the point I want to be in my life right now. I have no job and I am almost completely isolated from my friends. (trigger warning sexual harassment, assualt, and rape) It started at almost the end of my courses at my university. I had lost my grandfather and my mom finally decided to take my mental health seriously. She got in touch with an amazing doctor who gave me medication, but as most people know it can sometimes take alot of trial and error to find the best medication for you. I was working for my school at the time as a student tour guide and my medications were affecting me mentally and physically so bad that I couldn't do my job or my school work. I also had been sexually harassed while on tour by a group of potential students. The school did not file any kind of title 9 incident and instead I was given an apology letter from the director of admissions. Needless to say I wasn't in the best of shape. At my university you can take up to 3 months of time off. I hadn't taken a single day off from my excellerated degree and I decided it was time. Even though I could take time off I had to convice the school why I was taking time off and the operator on the phone kept telling me "but your so close to graduation can't you just push through it?" Even though I had just explained all this to him. I eventually got my time off from school. I took time off work as well to go to a networking summit my school hosts every year. While at this summit there was a man who was older than all of us who stated he was an online student comming to visit the school. Towards the end of the night we were all huddled around eachother playing games while watching the live stream of the event. I was the only woman in the room which was typical since my degree is in a male dominated field. As we watched the older student got up and then began to strip down in front of all of us while playing with himself while walking towards me. Keep in mind this was in a lab area so there were also other students who were just studying in the other open rooms with cameras all around the area. Eventually someone stood up and told him to leave and another student had already called security. As he gathered his things security came and escorted him out. I was beyond scared. I had just been harassed only a month apart. from this incident. I didn't know what to do all my memories of being raped and sexually assaulted when I was 18 came flooding back. I left the school crying on the phone and feeling so scared. I immediately tried to get ahold of the title 9 team. I had to go back to school at this point since my time was up. I ended up taking even more time from work. I couldn't stand being on campus knowing what happened there twice. I ended up getting a dog and I've been trying to train him as a service animal. All the while the title 9 team was silent. The man who did this to me and several other students texted me and only me that he had a sezuire that caused him to do what he did. As someone who has had a sezuire due to a heat stroke when I was a child, I know what it's like to have one. I also know that there's different types of sezuires and that some can make you take off your clothes, maybe even forget where you are but none make you masturbate and moan audibly as you do it. I found out that he was in the same online class as I was. I immediately was flooded with the memories. I told my professor and finally got a hold of the director of title 9 teams' email. I gave every email I was Cc:d in, I gave my statement, everything. Only after OVER a month later to receive an email saying that the school had done a preliminary investigation on this matter and determined there was no sexual harassment that occurred on campus. Even though this was on cameras, witnessed by almost 10 other students, it was not sexual harassment. In the "preliminary investigation" none of the 10 students and specifically the 7 including myself that were present to the incident were questioned, no one heard my side of the story. All they told me was the man's physician had told them that he suffers from a condition that can cause him sezuires which might make him touch or behave himself in manners that would be deemed inappropriate. Now the thing is that's a very convenient excuse. In that preliminary investigation no one was talked to except the physician and who knows if they even talked with that person. They could have just asked the man himself to provide documentation and even then that doesn't explain why when the police questioned him he was belligerent with them until threatened with arrest and then he was able to calmly walk to his car, something you normally can't do right after any type of sezuire. One would think if you have an illness that causes sezuires you would make officers aware of this, but even if your embarrassed by it that still doesn't make sense. What also doesn't make sense is I found that same man in my online class after this incident and that in that time where I was waiting for the title 9 teams response I was given no resources, no hotline, nothing to help me through this difficult time. I had to be moved from online to campus classes so that he would not have contact with me through my school's messenger. I have since graduated and pushed aside so much of this. I still struggle every day with the fact that I never got justice, the memories of the situation, and more. I am convinced I was silenced because this networking summit is the biggest event the school holds and anything to tarnish that is unnexptable. When all of this went down I didn't handle any of it very well I'll admit. I was an emotional wreck to my close friends and acting very irrationally. My friends completely stopped talking to me after me telling them that sometimes too much comfort can feel like suffocation in my mind. They stopped inviting me. They stopped answering my calls and texts or only responding with one worded messages. I feel utterly alone and behind because the majority of my friends graduated and got jobs or are mentally stable or both and I am falling apart at the seams. I constantly feel like my work doesn't add up. I have ADHD, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, OCD, PTSD, and sleep disorder that all get in the way of my learning so I am constantly behind the curve. I don't feel like I deserve the love my boyfriend and my family give me. I feel so lost because everytime I try I feel like I never succeed . I do not feel proud that I earned my bachelor's through all of that because I have to relearn everything I was taught 20 times over, and I have this mindset that my degree doesn't matter if I don't have a job. I don't know what to do and I'm sorry this was a long read. I don't know who to talk to anymore because I can't seem to find the good things around me anymore. I just feel such pain and isolation. I refuse to go outside anymore without someone or my dog even if it's just for a walk. The issue is though Hollis my service dog is not trained yet so I don't feel comfortable taking him places even though I know I am more relaxed with him. I don't know what else to say I'm just constantly hurting. Thankyou for taking the time to read. I hope to hear from someone. Anyone.

Top reply
    • sick_desire

      634d

      šŸ˜„ your story... hurts deep. I am so sorry you've gone through so much pain. I wish that you can cope and remain positive but that's easier said than done. I'm glad so many people have reached out to you. Having that said, I'm here to talk or vent about anything.

    • sick_desire

      634d

      šŸ˜„ your story... hurts deep. I am so sorry you've gone through so much pain. I wish that you can cope and remain positive but that's easier said than done. I'm glad so many people have reached out to you. Having that said, I'm here to talk or vent about anything.

    • Hannah_6

      635d

      Depression and anxiety here I know what it's like to be on medication. I know how it feels to be trapped in a kids mind because I have Princess Personality. Welcome to talk to me about anything. My box is always open.

    • Lygia

      635d

      I'm here, I'm a survivor too. It's hard to move past all of what you've gone through. Especially without help of a support group. I'll talk with ya if you want.

    • Bubblegumpranker

      635d

      I am so sorry that the campus just brushed it under the rug; and everything seems like it's falling apart for you. Life throws challenges at us in many ways, some are very hard to handle. I suggest looking into a therapist, and if you truly want a job; something remote/online. Best of luck

    • Ender318

      635d

      Iā€™m here if you want to talk as well. I canā€™t relate super well but I can definitely listen and try to provide advice where I can

    • KarlyGalin

      635d

      dm me if you need to talk, im here.

ā˜ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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