I feel so damn defeated. Why even continue on at this point? Everyone I talk to eventually moves on to someone else. I'm always second choice or lower. I'm broke all the time because my disability application has been in the review stage for 6 full months and I can't work much due to my issues. I would love to have a family, but I have 2 different fertility issues and no partner to try with. Essentially, my fertility is ticking away the longer I wait to have kids. Not to mention, I'm not in the financial or mental place to even consider bringing life into this world.

Everyone else seems so happy and complete. The family (husband and wife) I work for are only 5 years older than me, yet they have their second kid on the way, own a home, and have a great relationship. Why can't I find a healthy relationship too? When will it be my turn to be happy? I've been single for about 1.5 years now.

My mental health is this whole other demon. My depression is back with a vengeance. To cope with life, my ED is back in full swing and SH thoughts have been creeping back in. I don't want inpatient again. I went 6 times in 13 months, January of this year being my last stay. I know I need to see a psychiatrist and therapist but I've been waiting months for my replacement birth certificate because I can't apply for insurance without it.

I'm mentally and physically in a lot of pain. My chronic ankle issues have been acting up, as have now my knees. Some days my body hurts so bad I won't leave bed. My only comfort is my cat, she's very cuddly when we're in bed. I just feel so broken and defective.


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  • Porkbun


    I'm so glad you have your kitty. One thing please don't compare yourself to others it only hurts u were all on different paths it isn't fair but we'll get there when we get there. I hope you have a good therapist you can talk to. I see we share a lot of the same issues and I'm really sorry you're going through this

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