Feeling Alone and Misunderstood

I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I’m not allowed to just be upset, nobody will just listen to how I feel and share in my experience. I brought it upon myself. The way I deal with my emotions is downright exhausting. I’m a pain to be around, I constantly ask for help and because of how annoying and exhausting it is, I’m not ever given that help by anyone. It feels like I’m not able to be understood by anybody, and it’s deeply isolating and alienating. I literally feel like some foreign creature who isn’t afforded understanding, like other people. I get frustrated with the lack of help, I leach out at those around me, and they leave. What do I expect to happen. I don’t know how to ask for what I need from those close to me, without feeling like I have to make them do it. Which, again only causes me to be more alone. All I am is a self destructive black hole that nobody in their right mind should associate with. And hey, nobody does. Even people on this app start out being helpful, and some way or another they stop responding. They stop reaching out. It makes me wonder if I should just isolate myself from everyone. I’m growing tired and hurt and bitter. I didn’t used to be this way. I just want love and care, without having to feel like I need to earn it, or fight for it, or beg for it. But maybe the world is right. Maybe I don’t really deserve that. Maybe I should give up