Struggling with Toxic Family and Financial Issues

Sounds a lot like my mother. She would use anything she could just to keep some level of contact or control, including holding belongings over people's heads. As long as you are asking for your things, you will not get them. If she is as manipulative as it appears she is, you're gonna have to beat her at her own game. Legally, you bought those things. They are yours. Taking something of yours from someone else's house is not theft, so don't worry about that. Text or call her, however y'all usually communicate. Maybe wait for the next outreach from her, so she will feel like it was according to her plan. Tell her that you want to sit and talk about the issues that you all have, to try and repair things. When you sit down, do address the actual issues you have, and allow her the opportunity to apologize. She probably won't, that's okay. Appease her anyway. Say that you can see things from her point of view, that you appreciate all she's done for you, but just want to work through the things that haven't been so great. Apologize for being the horrible child she treats you like. Make it a peaceful conversation as much as possible. Maybe even bring dinner to cook for her. Then, ask to stay the night, or just fall asleep somewhere. When she's sleeping, start searching. Make a note of where your things are, but don't actually move them until you've found all that you need to. Once you know where it all is, gather up your stuff and leave. If doing this in one night isn't possible, stay longer or make multiple visits. Just make sure you don't actually remove your stuff until you're able to do it all at once. Once you've gotten what you need from her house, you never have to go back again, if you don't want to. Either way, she won't be able to keep your things from you ever again. Try not to feel guilty for staying with your boyfriend and his parents. They are giving you an opportunity not many people get, so take it graciously and use it well. Let staying with them be a time to build up to a life of independence. Work toward that better job and car, learn to drive if you're able. When you're on your feet and have it to spare, you can always repay them. But if you let guilt keep sending you back to a volatile life, you will not have the room to grow. I hope everything works out in your favor! ❤️

Went through something very similar. Would you be up to talk on the phone? A lot to say here.