Vixxa

201d

T/W Sexual Abuse

For years putting after the actual assault had happened, I basically had to live with my abuser(s) for the entirety of my time so I literally just... forced myself to forget the abuse, since my childhood. Hell, the memories resurfaced when I was a teen and my mother instead had me talk to my abuser about it, in which he just told me he did what he did to me because he was sick. I had to forget after that too.

when he was incarcerated, I remembered what he did to me a lot better. and when I left my mother, the same happened; I guess I was just a mistake for sure? she did say I was an accident (when I was like 19)

And I was finally told that this amnesia was me trying to protect myself. because I couldn't run. I was sheltered, and shy and confused.

But I still blame myself for not speaking up even when I know it's not my fault.

I don't remember what the point of this post was, I think I just wanted it out 🤣

Memory Loss

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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  • AnimalBoy

    201d

    Memory loss is definitely an uncontrollable side effect of prolonged trauma and not your fault in any way. I didn't remember my abuse until after my abuser had died because there was no way out of it.

    • Vixxa

      201d

      Hopefully my guilt wears out and is replaced with acceptance I guess. It's horrible.

      • AnimalBoy

        200d

        yeah it can take some time and persistence in reminding yourself that it wasnt your fault any time you notice you're feeling guilty or if you're having negative thoughts about it

  • luna1572

    200d

    I was 5 when mine happened n I didn't remember till I was 15 then my dad kept bringing that person around but then I left with my husband. I remember everything now, and my abuser walks free

  • Liza77

    200d

    😥

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