AveryWumbo

47d

I feel like no matter what people avoid me. some people have energy that just draws others into them. I think I have the opposite.
it's been pretty consistent my entire life that once most people interact with me, they decide either they don't like me or there's nothing special here so may as well leave?? idk. I don't mean this in a "people are so mean to me! everybody always leaves!" way, I just noticed this pattern. my entire life. I just feel so....picked over? like people saw what was available and decided to go somewhere else lol
idk if it's bc I'm autistic or what. I used to think that was the reason but now I'm not so sure.
I just feel so defeated. I used to get upset and sad about it. but I just don't even know how to feel about it anymore. I'm just....tired lol

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Depression

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  • SunInAugust

    47d

    You deserve to be chosen. You deserve to be delighted in. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be someone's favorite person. You deserve to feel deep connection and care. I understand the struggle. And I find when I complain about it to people, esp NT people, im told incan just learn to socialize better. But what they don't realize is all of their suggestions boil down to some suggestion to mask my autistic quality that make me hard to tolerate over time. But I know my heart and I know I have a lot of care and love to give. I imagine the same is true for you.

    • AveryWumbo

      45d

      Thank you so much for this comment 💕 I struggle so much with unmasking. I've been masked for so long lol I try to tell myself "people who don't like you because of your autistic traits are not people you WANT to like you anyway" but ugh it's still hard. My partner has helped me so much. The way she treats me made me realize how much I've been changing myself for other people. I've lost a lot of friends lately because of these things. I guess I'm just in a weird transitional period in life

  • Njade

    46d

    I have felt the same for quite a while. Its got to the point where for the past few years i just avoid talking to new people, getting close to people and making friends because my learnt response is that everyone leaves me eventually. And id rather not form a bond to have it disperse later on. Just not worth the effort. So in my experience, i have learnt to enjoy my own company and solitude so much more. I am very content on my own. And i also appreciate my few long term friendships that haven't given up on me and i am confident arent going to give up on me. I am happy with my own company and the company of the friends i already have - i dont want to - and will go out of my way to avoid making new friends. But all hope is not lost. Even though a lot of people are awful humans, inconsiderate and just a-holes; there are some people who are rays of sunshine and will be good unconditional friends. Theyre hard to find but theyre out there and they will probably make an effort to be in your life and stay in your life. The best way to be friends with me is to force yourself to be my friend and understand when i push you away at first😅 As sucky as this advice is - you dont always need other people for fulfilment. And if you feel like you do thats ok, but those spaces in your life should be saved and reserved for genuine people. Which may not come along straight away, but they will.

    • AveryWumbo

      45d

      no I 100% agree learning to like being alone is so important. I used to be a lot more comfortable being without friends but then I got a best friend that was such an amazing friend....until we had a friend break up. The best way to be friends with me is ALSO brute force so I totally understand lol I feel the same way about getting close to people now. Gotta protect yourself!!

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