Philo_The_Great

222d

So I’ve been thinking on this for awhile, but there has been nobody that I felt would understand.
I was abused as a child by my step-dad, and for years I thought it was normal, mostly since I was homeschooled during that time. There’s so much I don’t remember. But sometimes I’ll have nightmares that I wake up to, and I just want to cry. But in some of those nightmares I can only remember certain things that happened, the rest is a blur.
One night I remember waking up shaking and wanting to throw up, cause In that nightmare I was being chased and then SA. I don’t remember that happening and I feel crazy, cause it feels so real, but it was a stranger in my nightmare. Can something like that happen to you and you just don’t remember any of it?? I remember some of what my stepdad did to me, so shouldn’t I remember being SA by some stranger?? Or am I just losing it.
I can’t sleep most nights anymore, and it’s been like this for yearsss
I just want to know I’m not alone..

Visual Disturbances

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Insomnia

View all
  • Child_Consumer

    222d

    Ur def not alone!! It is totally possible for u not to remember something traumatic. I have holes in my childhood around the times I was assaulted. It could’ve been a thing where it was so traumatic for u that ur brain blocked it out of ur memory

    • Philo_The_Great

      222d

      ya ig. It’s just scary, cause I feel like it has happened and the nightmares feel so real and vivid. And I feel bad about never wanting to do it with the people I date. One guy had a huge problem with me not being sexually attracted to him. And it’s only cause That vision plays in my head and it scares me. Last night I woke up several times, and I felt disgusting tbh.

      • Child_Consumer

        222d

        don’t feel bad about not wanting to have sex with ur partners, they should respect ur wishes. Tho I would recommend at some point when u meet new ones to say something like ur asexual or that u don’t want to have sex, so they know

  • QLMA

    222d

    . . . . Yes. After being unintentionally pulled out of a bad situation I had little glimpses of things. I didn't know if it was real. I didn't know if I wanted to know if it was real. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't know why I didn't have sexual interests in people. I very slowly remembered more or different things in a blurr as time went on. . . . I looked into it. I had to. Always being afraid or doing nothing becomes detrimentally damaging to your life and well being. Once I got an affirmative that it had happened, I pushed the details away and worked on acceptance. Not in acceptance that anything that happened was okay or that thats just the way things happen, 1 in 3 woman right? NO, I accepted that yes it was something that happeneded but I accepted that it is something that happened that I can not currently control and something that will never change. I went through years long processing with oodles of everyday living copes and tricks. You have to allow yourself to move on. You may feel guilty for what happened or for not fully knowing what happened but you need to forgive yourself. I can't tell you all my best advice in one comment, just know one thing; many think that to trust is naive because you know what could happen but, they would be wrong. . Trust with courage for you may never know how some will use it but the potential that lie within it. You have power and can control any situation you need. You tell yourself that. You physically say that when you feel anxiety toward doing something because of a potential outcome. You got this! You are strong and have power to control any situation. Build your confidence with motivation toward positive self intervention. Anytime something that seems fine is causing you a lot of grief to do because fear in your mind in holding you back Immediately list out good factors and good outcomes if you were to do it. As soon as you go doubting yourself on something you've got. Break little things down into just the current actions youre doing right now that you need to do it. Saying the current actions as your doing them to yourself as if you were training someone distracts your mind from the doubtful thought of things going wrong. As far as sleeping I used to have the most crazy dreams and had insomnia but through sleep therapies now I feel like I can never sleep long enough hahaha it gets better . . . You just have to allow yourself to

    • Philo_The_Great

      222d

      Is it ok if I message you? I really need someone to talk to.

  • QLMA

    222d

    yeah absolutely. I'll try to do the best I can.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.