Sharing Traumatic Experiences

For everyone reading the comments if you're not in a good place mentally you can be triggered and/or retraumatized by reading others experiences. Please proceed with caution. You are loved. You matter. And trauma is damage to the brain based on what your brain can't handle in that moment so no one's trauma is worse or easier to go through than another's.

I was separated from my mother in my infant stages, grew up in a neglect and abuse situation where I watched my best friend be abused til my mom got me back at 3yrs old I believe, dad hopped as my mom dated mom got married to step-dad and step dad was very verbally abusive when sobering up (he quit when he realized he was traumatizing us) my mom was an alcoholic diagnosed with bi polar (I don't think she's bi polar but can't pinpoint what is is) she has narcissistic tendencies and control issues and uses fear to get what she wants.grew up with my mom's abuse while trying to shield my little sister. I basically had to raise myself emotionally and mentally. Diagnosed with adhd and depression both which my mother stopped giving me my meds and never took me to therapy. I never went to a regular doctor or dentist, there was alot of abuse and neglect from living with them. Met my bio dad who chose my brother as his favorite and showed it openly when I was 11 then said let me know when you turn 18 I'm don't dealing with your mother when I was 15 or 16. I tried to commit unlive at 13. The only person who never treated me poorly died when I was 16. My great grandparents died around the same time period and I was close to them and went through trauma watching my great grandfather look for his wife who was in the casket at the funeral. He died a week later. Mom kicked me out at 18. Grandparents took the car they gave me and gave it to my cousin cause my mom lied to them saying I wasn't taking care of it when I was. I was homeless and couch hopping off and on for 7 years. Exes sexually and physically abused me, friends I'd do anything for stabbed me in the back then told everyone I was the abusive one even though I have a door mat personality and people pleaser. My mother hated that I cut her out of my life so she filed a false neglect case and took custody of my daughter and has had her for 4 years now and still can't find a lawyer to get her back. My family turned their backs on me and told me I'm reason my mom's abusive or just pretend like I didn't go through what I did. I had a son and the father took off to florida and never paid child support or took responsibility until his mom offered to help me and then turned around and did the same thing my mother did and took my son now they're trying to make me look like a dead beat even though everything I do is either for my kids or to get them back. I've been abandoned in a city idk with no help and no way to get to work. I've tried all the places in walking distance. My therapist office isn't taking me or giving me my meds currently and I'm still going through trauma. I know it sounds bad but I've been reading self help books, and working my ass off to get things in order. I'm no longer homeless I have my own apartment by myself. There's more trauma but I can't remember it all cause it's been nonstop. I'm trying to stay positive and have advice for others. But I feel alone and don't feel like I can breathe

So i was "friends" with a girl 2.5 years older than me from the time I was 3 til I was about 13. During most of that time, I considered her my best friend. Y'know, despite broken toys. Despite not listening to me. Despite threatening to tell on me when I stood up for myself. Despite her ignoring me. Despite her constantly one-upping me and making me feel like second-best or worse at everything. So by the time I was 11 or 12 I had met most of her other friends. She told me about how annoying they found me, before she started talking shit about them. It didn't matter, I only saw them if I was invited to her birthday party that particular year. Around the same time, her younger cousin who she lived with, who was maybe 5 at this point but was taller and heavier than average (his older bro and mom are the same; big and tall) was going through his "violent phase" as I call it, and she had a habit of calling for her aunt when he was being a problem. Until the first time she didn't. She was on the phone with some kid she liked from her school. His name was Julio. I asked if he knew his name was Spanish for "July". And I pushed the issue, which was shitty of me, but I was trying to fit in and nobody told me to stop. Until he hung up on her. It was all cold-shoulder, until her cousin ran in, in a mood. And when he got violent with me, instead of yelling for her aunt, she just watched. I don't know how many times this actually happened throughout the remainder of our 'friendship'. I just know that apparently, if an 80-or-so pound child jumps/sits/steps on your stomach and chest often enough, apparently it can give you chronic pain. ... pair that with my many other turbulent social experiences (like pranks gone wrong, backpacks getting stolen, and other bullying) and you get a personality warped to believe that stable connection is unattainable and that it's just a matter of time until my current friends see how right everyone else has been so far. It's frustrating. But the more i unpack it, the more i understand why I do the things I do.

tw: trauma dump child sexual abuse,child on child sexual abuse, trauma based mind control with electroshock, not by medical but our abusers were sadistic and did other unthinkable things, abuse by preschool and daycare teachers, childhood bullying from elementary to middle school (in 5th grade, our whole class ganged up on us to tell us they hate us because of the way we were) (7th-8th fake friends, student pushed our head into a locker we had to go home from dizziness, bullies traumatized us with other things which made us paranoid) (18 yrs old woman in one of the units of the hospital touched us inappropriately) as a child our mom was emotionally abusive and our dad was verbally abusive and did other things not csa (you don't call an 8 yr old a slt) just a lot of things that caused our DID and made it worse so now we're having trouble healing from all of that so now we're just filled with trauma responses, and self doubt all about it because it doesn't even sound real and our family does not know about the first part some of us didn't even know until finding out we're a system

Mines more like Asian American intergenerational trauma, chronic anxiety from parents, chronic feeling of danger, abandonment, conditional love, undiagnosed adhd and anxiety disorder, language barriers , bullying

Growing up Christian was a big part of my trauma, as I had guilt ingrained into everything I did. If I liked something, I had to make sure I didn't like it even close to as much as I loved "God" or they would make me feel guilty about it, purity culture was pushed extremely hard so I felt guilty about my body all the time, and it seems like they'd come home with new rules to follow every few weeks so I could never stay on top of what was right or wrong. On top of that I was bullied relentlessly by someone I used to call my best friend from 2nd to 4th grade and always had trouble socially. I wouldn't have more than one friend at a time and they would always end up getting tired of me or just drifting away. I was bullied again in middle school for 2 years. As an adult there were sexual assaults by my partner and my friends partner, childbirth which was traumatic due to the medication they gave me giving me hallucinations and being unable to stay conscious between contractions, and so much with my ex. Would take way too long to get into that trauma. Last year when I left him he called DHR on me and made it so that I couldn't see my son, and now that DHR has cleared me I'm fighting to have a say in my son's life again but my ex is trying everything in his power to keep me away. So that's an ongoing trauma.

I grew up with a narcissistic father who fewquently told me he eanted to commit s*icide, was drugged and sexually assaulted while studying abroad in college, sexually assaulted again a few years ago, and last year my former best friend/roommate began stalking me and threstening me and put a large hunting knife in my desk drawer. I have her blocked and have since moved but she still tries to find me and talk to me

When I was one, a 13 year old boy walked into my house where I, an unsupervised infant in the bathtub, was playing. He raped me and then tried to drown my in the same bath water. My parents didn't press charges. I was neglected as a child and nobody believed me. I was raped again (consistently) at the age if five. My mom saw the hickeys and did nothing. Ky dad left when I was five, then just as I had finally come to terms with it, he came back. Nobody has ever explained why he left. When I was 6 I also watched my friend attempt suicide over video call by stabbing himself in the stomach with a butchers knife. My parents continued to neglect me and gradually became abusive. I was bullied in 3rd grade and made my first suicide attempt at 8. I began hurting myself at 9 and my grades completely plummeted. My parents bribed me with the promise of a pet if I could pretend to be happy at school. Apparently CPS was getting involved and my mom was devastated. Cps didn't ever do anything to help me. I would have panic attacks and hide under blankets. My parents decided the best way to help is to force me out of my blanket and drag me down the stairs by my wrist. I was sent to a mental hospital for threatening a kid at my school and my parents suddenly were saints who had never laid a finger on me. I was 12 by this point. Shit sucks man