Dealing with Medication Noncompliance in BPD Support Groups

I have a difficult time trying to explain my mental illness to family and my husband. I feel like I'm on the outside and no one understands I don't chose to have bpd. I don't set out to have the problems I have. I beat myself up because I feel so alone. I don't even feel like my Dr. and therapist understand me. I internalize EVERYTHING. Are there any ideas on how to let family understand how bad I feel, without them thinking that I am attention seeking?

diagnosed bipolar 1 and starting new medications. struggling alot and fighting with everyone around me. i know people love me,but i convince myself they dont. I am very sad a lot. I am struggling.

Currently feeling hopeless for myself, my recovery, and my future. I fucking hate this disorder with every fiber of my being. It doesn’t matter how much you improve or how much progress you make. It doesn’t matter how much work you put in to battle your BPD. None of it fucking matters because once you have 1 slip up, no one cares anymore. For the last few months I have been living in a toxic household while also having to work with these people. Yeah I know, dumb move but also I got trapped into this situation and had no way out until our lease was up in a year and couldn’t bear to leave my job. While I have improved tremendously with my behavior, these people were a huge trigger for me. They stigmatized my BPD and treated me as an outcast. I did everything to make sure they liked me. Always. There were some small instances that I said something rude but I have ALWAYS owned up to my behavior and NEVER excused it. I completely snapped this week and I lost it on one of these people AT work. One slip up. One moment of complete loss of control. In this moment I had no control. I was in a state of extreme panic. Fight mode, defense mode, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I mean, I basically just had a mental break in the middle of my shift. After this, my roommates kicked me out, and I got fired. Mental illness like BPD are so misunderstood and it crushes me. To feel like no matter how successful I am in therapy and how long I’ve gone without having a full blown BPD episode, it doesn’t matter because one thing happens and everything I’ve worked for is gone. I will never excuse my behavior but I do wish that I could have received some level of compassion. These people always had it out for me simply because of my BPD and they treated me horribly and then act so fucking surprised when after months of holding it together, I break. And it plays right into their stigma. It makes them proud to say “see, you ARE toxic” like they even gave me a fucking chance to show them who I really am. Fuck dude. What the fuck is the point. People will never love me with this disorder. I will never be enough.