Struggling with Gender Dysphoria and Masturbation

This is TMI and embarrassing, it has to do with gender dysphoria. I am a trans man, I think this is the first time I've ever stated that publicly online, and I have really bad dysphoria. Yesterday my friends were talking about some "toys" and then we got to fl'a'shlights, I was overwhelmed by the amount of dread and dysphoria I felt during that convo. Now I can't stop thinking about it, it sounds so weird and insane, but my desire to jack-off is so strong. I've fantasized about it multiple times. This isn't a "i am so horny" thing, I just want to feel that satisfaction of knowing I have a dick and a body I love. I have literally cried thinking about me jacking off. Sounds funny out of context lmao. I'm just sharing this because I am struggling BADLY with this at the moment, and I want to tell people that might understand it.