I know that feeling exactly. I'm here for you 🥰

Highly recommend doing this if you are not su*cidal. Letting myself cry and not shaming myself for it like my family environment did is so freeing. You are allowed to break down and cry. Make sure you have methods to pick yourself out of the funk and/or keep yourself safe in this state. I'm super proud of you for feeling your feelings! 💕🤗

I'm really sorry you're struggling. I can relate. I just wanted to mention one thing that I've tried that helps me a bit. Maybe it'll help you too. I started sleeping with a weighted blanket. Even if I'm not ready for sleep but I need to calm down, I'll go lay under it for a few minutes. It's like a cosy, loving, understanding hug, at least to me. It won't fix everything obviously, but it helps me feel a little better. I know some weighted blankets are expensive, but I found mine at Walmart for $20 and I really like it.

Let it out a wise woman once told me crying cleanses the soul