Ziggy_B

42d

I recently got back into reading the Bible. Christianity in general has left a bad taste in my mouth. When I was younger, I used to go to church. The thing is, I would feel embarrassed because I only went when my aunt would take me so it was only some Sundays. The rest of the kids were there every Sunday and knew each other. They would have this thing where they would memorize a verse from the previous week and read it out loud. They would always call on me and I had to explain that I didn't have a Bible (I was poor) and that I wasn't there the previous week so I didn't have it memorized. I already had severe anxiety and was soft spoken if I even did speak at all. I would feel so embarrassed. They were all privileged kids that didn't understand why I didn't have a Bible and why I wasn't at church every Sunday. I would try to dress up for church like the other girls there and even then, they would stare at me because I didn't have the cutest or most expensive clothes. I BEGGED my parents to buy me miss me jeans because it was what was popular where I live and my parents had to save up to buy them. My parents aren't really religious, don't go to church but even if they did, we wouldn't have gas money to get there. They would also make me feel embarrassed of going to church and for being excited for feeling close to God. After my parents and my aunt fell out, I stopped going to church and I got older and well, traumatized by life. I figured out I was queer at the peak of my depression and it helped to take some of the pressure off of me and made a lot of things in my life make sense. It helped a lot with my confidence going out in public but I was still depressed. I just recently discovered a Bible app on my phone and installed it. I've been reading and doing devotionals and whatnot and I'm finding out that it also helps a little bit. It helps my anxiety a little with my fear of the unknown and helps my depression with the idea that Jesus loves me and God is always with me. I want to go start going to church again and I found a church that I think I'd like going to but I'm also scared. I'm scared my queerness will make people mad or uncomfortable. You can't "tell" I'm queer, I'm feminine presenting and still like men romantically but I think my anxiety would be terrible in an already anxiety inducing setting. I want to make friends, I want to have a peaceful life, I want to be content. I recently started to dress very feminine so I don't think my clothes will be a problem either. I'm just scared I'm doing all this trying to find answers to be happy and will be let down. I also have a sneaking suspicion that it might be something I'm hyperfixating on so that's a whole other thing I'm afraid of.

Selective mutism

Acute Anxiety

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Budd–Chiari Syndrome

Chronic Memory Loss

Depression

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • Lin92

    42d

    The christian religion doesn't allow for queerness, and present a lot of hate towards the LGBTQIA+ community. They misinterpreted the bible many years ago. I wouldn't put yourself in that position. You're only going to get hurt.

    • fratboykermit

      42d

      i know many queers in devoted christian spaces... me being one of them.

      • Ziggy_B

        41d

        Hey! Do you mind if I ask how that experience is?

  • Ziggy_B

    42d

    Where I live, it's very conservative and Christian so I don't think it would make a huge difference to go to church than if I was going to school.

    • Lin92

      42d

      your religion is your choice, but I personally wouldnt want to be a part of one that hates a part of who I am. 🤷

  • Kennedyxx

    42d

    While most of Christianity frowns upon queerness, there are many new denominations that accept and embrace it within the church. I know some areas are more conservative than others so it depends where you’re from but I would suggest looking into modern Lutheran churches. I’m not religious myself but I do know a lot of queer people who go to LGBTQIA+ accepting churches.

    • Ziggy_B

      42d

      okay, thank you! ♡

  • Doggy

    42d

    There's nothing wrong with being spiritual, and being queer doesn't change that. Many post-christianity queer people end up jewish, I have been to a temple and non-orthodox jews seems incredibly warm and normal people. Episcopalians are also extremely good community members. I think one's connection to their god(s) or other spiritual force, is HIGHLY personal and doesn't need a church, but you seem like you could realy use a kind community. My opinion: Shop around. There's no shame in visiting religious centers and scoping the vibe. They will be happy to accomodate, since people naturally love showing around a potential convert. I did this when I was younger, many different faiths, including UU, wicca, buddism, etc. It really helped me figure out which groups felt like home, and which groups felt more like aquaintances... and which groups felt like danger. Trust your instincts. If you feel confused or rushed, go home. In general, always sleep on a decision. Never agree to something on the same day that it's presented to you. Some places will respect you as an autonomous person, some won't. Good signs are places that embrace and encourage subjectivity, critical thinking, and individuality. Those are the people who will respect your personal connection to god. Also, I don't trust places that pass around a donation basket during service. I DO trust places that have bake sales and ask for volunteers to work on community projects like feeding the homeless. It should not cost money to see god. Nobody should be prompting you individually to pay money. Anyway. I could go over red and green flags all day, just know that you're allowed to quit any religion at any point for any reason. Also. You do NOT have to sit in shame and fear, staying in the closet and pretending to not be queer. On DAY ONE, you should ask multiple people how they feel about gay people, and if ANY of them mentions sin, RUN. So, so, so many christian denominations do NOT believe that being gay is a sin. Because it's not! Those that know this are the ones who actually read the bible. Good luck. Go get your needs met and don't put up with anything.

    • Ziggy_B

      42d

      Thank you, I will keep this all in mind. I was wondering if there were any lgbt friendly churches at all and I guess ppl in the comments already said yes, I'll look around and even ask some people I know that go to church about theirs.

  • sleeplord

    38d

    Im a christian who also has bpd, and the confusion you’re feeling resonates really well. be careful with the advice you get on here, especially from people who aren’t christian telling you about christianity. i’ll be praying for you, and don’t hesitate to message me if you would like ❤️

    • Lin92

      38d

      we're not Christian because Christians have shown us nothing but contempt. 😘

      • sleeplord

        37d

        good thing being a christian is about jesus and not other christians

  • FangedFairy

    37d

    I practice witchcraft/paganism but I'm considering Judaism. I feel like it's doubly unacceptable for me to do that *and* be queer as a convert. I guess I just feel like g-d wouldn't care..? Whatever makes you happy is best though. Dw about fitting a specific church perfectly, find one that works where you're at in your journey. Xx

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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