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lost_soul27

608d

my husband is emotionally unavailable and detached. I've struggled with this for awhile, we've not even been married a full year and I feel like I'm failing because no matter what I say no matter what plans are put in place to fix things, nothing changes. in the end I'm the only one hurting from it..this morning I told him the pain I have from this almost makes me regret getting married..am I in the wrong..

Top reply
    • crazycatanddoglady

      608d

      I understand you completely. I've been married for 3.5 years and I feel the exact same way. Started feeling it in year 1. What I have learned over the last couple years is it is 100% him and his personal self image and has absolutely nothing to do with me. It doesn't make it any less painful, but it has given me more hope that I'm not a complete shit person and with personal work we can be happy if we both want to. My happiness doesn't depend on him, and all I can do is grow myself, better my life and hope that he chooses to do the same with his. Then we can grow together. I wasted 2 years sitting around being depressed, hoping something would change. All we can change is ourselves and hope they follow suit. We deserve to be happy girl, they cannot get that much power. 💪❤ GROW your self confidence and he will wonder WTH is going on.

    • ChristineD

      608d

      😥

    • Tiyanna

      608d

      No you're not wrong for saying how you feel

    • crazycatanddoglady

      608d

      I understand you completely. I've been married for 3.5 years and I feel the exact same way. Started feeling it in year 1. What I have learned over the last couple years is it is 100% him and his personal self image and has absolutely nothing to do with me. It doesn't make it any less painful, but it has given me more hope that I'm not a complete shit person and with personal work we can be happy if we both want to. My happiness doesn't depend on him, and all I can do is grow myself, better my life and hope that he chooses to do the same with his. Then we can grow together. I wasted 2 years sitting around being depressed, hoping something would change. All we can change is ourselves and hope they follow suit. We deserve to be happy girl, they cannot get that much power. 💪❤ GROW your self confidence and he will wonder WTH is going on.

    • ElektraNicPunk

      608d

      My husband used to be this way with me. We both started therapy and so far it has helped. We have found a middle ground for us that makes it work. I hope you can find that.

    • Marie8690

      608d

      Your not wrong but I'm wondering if there's anything that could be going on with him that he's not talking about ""men aren't supposed to talk about emotions""

      • lost_soul27

        608d

        @Marie8690 I know he was a bit stressed on if he was doing well at work even though I've reassured him and his boss did he won't talk to me about his feelings. I try but it's like pulling teeth

    • Magpi

      608d

      Your feelings are not wrong. How you feel is how you feel. But your feelings are also not universal truth. I see that you are saying that you have talked to your husband and they have agreed to make changes so I assume they love you and want to try to help with your happiness. I suggest a therapist from you both and a marriage counselor. If you feel like your needs are not being met then either your needs or expectations have changed or their ability to meet those needs have changed. Having a third party who is able to support you both as you negotiate those feelings in a productive way can be a lifesaver.

      • lost_soul27

        608d

        @Magpi I'm in therapy he agreed to go to marriage counseling but it's unrealistic with his work schedule..

    • LadyGreen89

      608d

      My husband and I are the same way except I'm the detached one.. I'm wondering if after 3 years (not happy for the last 2) if we should have got married. I want what is best for the girls but I'm miserable.

    • Serenity_Love

      608d

      I go through that in a sense with my husband, but it's because he works so much he is always in work mode so it's hard for him to be in the mindset of being "intimate" or affection. It's hard to go from constant love and affection when we first got together to this level, but I've grown to accept it because it's not that he doesn't want to be...but he just is working 80-100 hour weeks at his job. I know he'll eventually move to another job and have more free time and be more his old self. He just had a vacation and it was the first time in a very long time he's been his old bubbly happy goofy self. Do you think maybe it's your husband's job that has made him this way? Maybe look at things from his perspective. Maybe he loves you and wants to be there...he just can't right now?

      • lost_soul27

        608d

        @Serenity_Love his life is his job and his computer.

    • Lucilou

      608d

      My husband is the same way. I've put up with it for 4 years but I am sexually unavailable and he puts up with that so I guess it's even. He used to cuddle and be loving and now he'd rather play on his computer than cuddle or do anything together. I've thought about leaving bur right now financially, I can't.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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