Feeling Overwhelmingly Lonely: A Story of Estrangement and Isolation

Every year at one time or another I go through a period of melancholy, like i am now, where I realize my 11 kids are all grown and living their own lives that rarely include dad visits. I don't often get to see them or my 7 grandkids. All of my old "best friends" have parted ways except my first which passed away. only one of my old "best" friends will even talk to me a little on chat, but the closeness just isn't there anymore. I have online friends but haven't met 99% of them in person and I feel if they met me face-to-face they may part ways like others have. I was good friends with 3 of my older sons for years, but one is estranged from the family completely, and the other two are just too busy and don't seem to want to visit and spend time with me much anymore, unless they need something from me. I feel like I drive people away because they don't understand me and my issues. I have anxiety and depression and severe mobility issues, and i am borderline agoraphobic so I can't meet new people without having a panic attack. I can't go shopping or hang out or go to crowded restaurants, and i even have trouble with crowds at church because any kind of group or crowd affects me so deeply. my wife is here with me, but she has had 6 strokes and a lot of the person she once was just isn't there anymore. Our marriage is strong, but the closeness we once had between us has waned I am disabled and stuck at home most all of the time and I am just overwhelmingly lonely. I wasn't always like this. I was the class clown in school and well liked by most but none will contact me back when i reach out. I was friendly and outgoing in my Graphic Artist career of 15 years, but there again most of my friends and coworkers from that time won't contact me back when I reach out. I feel sometimes that anxiety and depression and all that is attached, along with my physical disabilities has put me in a place where people avoid me like the plague. sad part is I sometimes feel my doctors, counselor, psychiatrist, etc. are my only real-ish friends, but hey, they are paid to spend time with me. I reminisce of old times when my kids were young and needed me, or friends reached out to me now and then because they care, but I feel nobody wants or needs me anymore. Ugh! now I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I promise it's not that. I am just feeling truly sad and alone, like a "misfit toy" that got broken and rejected, or an old smelly shoe nobody will get close to. Okay... whining over. thanks to all who read to the end, and to those who chat with me now and then on here. it means a lot.