AshPowell

256d

I always want to eat, and when i do i instantly regret it because I gain weight fast and lose it as fast, My parents will always make these awesome full meals and ill only eat a bite or two because im worried ill get made fun of if i gain a bit of weight or even if i lose too much weight by my step mom and dad like i did when i lived with my [sexual,verbal,mental,physical] abusers, im so used to it.I dont know what to do. Everyone tells me to just off myself because they will have one less toothpick or water buffalo too suffer seeing. Wtf do i do.

Eating Disorder

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  • KitKat1450

    256d

    Just because you’re used to it doesn’t mean it’s ok. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that from your family. And if you aren’t eating balanced your weight is for sure going to fluctuate a lot. If you aren’t eating enough and in starvation mode then anything you do eat your body will hold onto for dear life until you get out of the cycle. Sounds like you need to reset your eating find a healthy set point weight to actually reduce fluctuations and maintain. I’m not entirely sure by your post if you are still in a bad or abusive environment or not but based on what I gathered from your feelings, I would recommend leaving that environment as soon as possible. But if that’s not an option you really have to focus on stabilizing your body and it sounds like the emotionally degrading comments and fear are going to come no matter what you do. So you might as well do what’s best for your body. I know that’s easier said than done with ED but that’s really the only option other to staying in the tortuous cycle. It sounds like your family doesn’t care to support what’s actually best for you and continuing to eat like you are isn’t going to make them see the pain you’re going thru and change for the better if it hasn’t already. Best advice anyone gave me in dealing with my ED is “you lost your fire (fight) and no one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.” Save yourself💕🙏🏻 the fight is worth it and you are worth it even if it doesn’t feel that way now.

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