I wouldn't say in necessarily depressed... but definitely numb? (if that makes sense at all) I'm just exhausted, I suppose. This sounds terrible but the last few months have been hell for me personally, and I kind of...just don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. I know that's not necessarily healthy because I'm disassociating myself, but man, there isn't anything I can do to prevent it. I tried but I'm kind of stuck. I've already went MIA on almost all social media platforms. I don't have the energy to look at anything online because most of the time, it's just the same thing and I feel like it's just so biased and toxic anymore. I want to tell people that I don't want to be online and I probably won't be for a couple months...but I'm afraid that they'd be upset..yet I'm just at the point where I just need a long break from everything. I just wanna figure myself out and my thoughts, I suppose. I lost a ton of people recently, and I ain't...upset about it? I kind of knew that those people I lost I already knew the relationship has been spoiled. Especially, my friendships... Not too sure on the guy I have liked... Heck, I know I still miss that guy I've talked about on here before. He was never bad at all. He was a really great person and amazing, but that shit still hurts to be ghosted like that. I'm sitting in middle ground at the moment, and it will take time to move forward for sure. I guess, I don't exactly know what's going on his life either so I'm not gonna dwell on think too much about it right now... Anyways, I haven't been mentally or emotionally ready to be anywhere except living outside this world... I just wanna do something different for a while. I'm just in my thoughts right now. I have a lot of strong feelings yet I am not sure what they exactly mean right now and I want to process it...and decided whether or not if I want to move forth in some of the options I have cause I mean... I have a lot of opportunities right now and I want to think about it rather than rushing into rhings. I guess, I'm not good but I am not necessarily distressed in my depression. Just kind of wanna do things differently right now.
It sounds like you have a lot to process. It’s hard. Do you have access to a therapist through your school or insurance?
I do have a therapist that I go see but everytime it's hard to get in because she is constantly booked.. there has times where I thought about getting another one but I just decided it's not worth all that hassle because I can email my therapist and I could call to see if they have any cancellations. It's hard to get around sometimes.
hmm yeah thats frustrating. I feel like you need a new one with regular, repeating appointments to have someone to help you talk through all your stuff
a regular cognitive behavioral therapist could be super nice
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