A yellow. So unbearably bright in the center it’ll give you a headache but somehow also musty and grimy and dirty around the edges at the same time. I feel like yellow represents the happiness I’m supposed to feel that I’m struggling to achieve, and the lemons life is throwing at me from every angle. Giving me a headache because it’s so bright and unfamiliar and a shock to my system, like seeing the sun after being in a cave. The grime represents my mental health struggles and my physical health struggles and the issues with my marriage and family and friends and death of my friends child that I’m juggling as well.

green. i’m going to hawaii this sunday and i’m hoping that it’ll be a good vacation. i feel like i’ve been needing a pick me up as of late. i recently found out that i have pancreatic cancer and i’m really young so it’s extremely unexpected. even more so because it’s a weird rare type. i’m just excited to see all the greenery and water and i want to remember that peace and tranquility while i’m in the hospital when i get back. i’m having surgery almost immediately after so i’m just excited to lay in bright sunny grass and swim with dolphins and weird fish.