not really a question, sort of a vent. i want to not feel so alone, and maybe others wont feel so alone, too

sometimes, i have the intense urge to sort of... relapse? to give in to all of my trauma responses. play the victim, get emotional, get scared, get upset even though it's for no reason. it feels... safe. comfortable. normal. sometimes i miss the feeling of it. but luckily, i've gotten better and intervening with my emotions and taking a step back, to not lose all of this progress i've made with myself. but sometimes i want to, so badly. to just give in. it makes me feel like a bad person. like i'm weak. like i'm just the sensitivite little girl (i'm transmasc and use he/him pronouns) that everyone has always said i am.

if you also experience this, i would like some support. some praise, words of encouragement. it's hard, ya know?


Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

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  • River_cat


    hey! i actually am currently going through the same thing. i allow myself to have days, maybe once a week or every two weeks (cause mine happened super recently lol), to let myself just have an off day. a day where i do nothing. a day where i can sit and get upset and just be if you ever need to talk i’m here!

  • Eadie


    hey! this is totally normal to feel. when your brain has been doing the same thing for so long, it becomes comfortable and normal. imagine this- you’re pulling a cart, and you’re taking it down a muddy road. after enough times traveling down that road, you start to wear paths into the mud. it feels comfortable, and normal, and there’s a clear path for you to follow. but maybe after a while, somebody points out that there’s a stone road nearby- paved and easier to go down. but it’s new, and that’s scary, and sometimes you want to stay on the path you’re used to. i promise its better in the long run, and it’ll help- just keep on your steps to recovery and wellness

  • Ooblia


    Relapsing for me was possibly the best time of my life and I truly felt free to be myself once hospitalized. It felt so good to just let go. I too feel tempted to give in. It feels good to do so. It FELT good to let go. I know it’s letting go is an option, but reaching for the specific temptation of relapsing is costly in many forms. You are not a bad person. Recognizing your patterns in self awareness and yearning for sweet sweet relapse does not make you OR I a bad person either. I am not little, but I am sensitive. I always viewed being sensitive as a shameful thing. I viewed myself as unreliable. I viewed myself through the eyes of others who are individuals who are neurotically different from me. Then I began to question why I am choosing to surround myself/allow toxic behavior from others and from myself towards myself. Knowing of and recognizing the temptation to relapse shows that you are emotionally intelligent.

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