Struggling with Dissociation and Flashbacks

Hey.. I know that feeling.. of feeling like a broken VHS tape... I'm guessing you are a newer system.. and I don't want to assume but judging by what you said... I'm guessing you haven't really gotten to the point where the alters or parts present themselves.. or at least I can't tell by looking at text.. and hey.. idk your name.. but I know what it feels like when you live alone and you have no idea what is happening to you.. you are scared.. you forget things.. at some points the dissociative symptoms become 2 much.. I know what that feels like.. here are my suggestions. I suggest talking to a therapist.. if you don't have 1 get 1. Talk to them everyday.. even if it's just through text.. I also suggest 'not living alone' go to a friend's house. Or go to a place where you are not alone and you feel safe.. but DO NOT. Go back to a place where you took in trauma.. I'm thinking that bedroom.. is not a good place. And hey.. talk to people like me.. it doesn't have to be me.. just someone that supports you.. .. you do not have to go through this alone. ..but most of all.. do not fight it.. this is happening.. and as scary as it is.. you can't change that. But your gonna make it! If you get the urge to dress masculine dress that way.. if you get the urge to wear all black.. wear all black.. one of the ways I descoverd Rowan my first alter in my system. Is because I got urges to dress masculine. And he wanted to show it off. So we did.. we walked through downtown Atlanta. I thought am i trans.. then I got the urge to dress non conforming.. then I thought is this what being gender fluid feels like... no . It was actually Sam.. you see these were new alters that were saying hi.. it's there way of introducing themselves.. my pms are always open! Feel free if your comfortable. Im just a nerdy med student lol. .. And remember. You are NOT alone and you do not.. have to face this alone. .. please stay safe!! ❤️❤️