Dealing with a Friend Pulling Away with BPD

I’m actually in the exact same position as you. I’ve been doing DBT sheets to prepare my thoughts for them, but they are avoiding me and flaking on our planned talks. It is extremely frustrating because I did nothing wrong, there was just a misunderstanding. They view me as this horrible person that my BPD has created and I want to explain my situation to them. I’m feeling so many urges to burn the bridge and tell them how horrible they are. I’m reminding myself that it won’t help. It won’t fix the problem, if anything it will make it worse, and I will walk away knowing I let my BPD get the best of me again. The truth is, like the above comment stated, if they want to, they will. If they don’t, that’s not personal and we cannot control the decisions that others make, even if it’s absolutely ridiculous, immature, and unfair. We can’t control them. We can only control ourselves. You got this, and I’m proud of you for avoiding those negative impulses

Friendships come and friendships go. The best ones last. As do some of the worst. It’s a process to discern them. Learning about boundaries and co-dependency was most instrumental in determining which of these people are still my friends, and which of them are good for me. I don’t think anyone can really decide for you. Except sometimes when they ghost or grey wall you. Unless you have a very good reason (agreed upon by multiple people) you should probably avoid anyone who is not actively seeking your company. It’s true, people have lives and jobs and kids and important things to get to. But beyond that, if people make time for you it is because they want to. If they aren’t making time for you, it’s because they a. Can’t, or b. Don’t want to. Try not to take this personally. People change all the time for all sorts of reasons, sometimes they’re because of you, but more often than not, they have nothing to do with you. I know that BPD makes it hard not to take it personally. But there are better things to do for ourselves with our time and our resources than worry about what other people are thinking. Unless we did something to wrong them in some way, which we should take responsibility for. I’m not sure if this helps at all, but I care about you and I hope you find the solution.