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beanthebunny

571d

it's been about 3 months since me and my ex broke up. over that time ive gone to therapy for 4 times a week, and i still am, and im over them but ive repressed a lot of feelings that they gave me and they kind of started when my friend got back from vacation 2. weeks ago and started posting pictures with them. that friend slept over the other night and we talked about all the shit my ex put me through and they told me everything i was feeling was valid and that my ex doesn't acknowledge anything they did wrong. they are even trying to convince my friend to stop being friends with me. a lot of the things coming up for me when i think of my ex is that they hurt me so fucking much and they aren't ever going to acknowledge that. i hate it so much i don't know what to do. i took accountability for every single thing that went wrong in our relationship and they made me feel like a horrible fucking person. they say that i hurt them so much but i don't know how. wherever they told me what i was doing wrong all i ever heard was that they never thought i was gonna get better. that fucking hurts coming from someone who claims to love you. they said they would be with me though anything, that we would get through anything but they just left the second they didn't understand my mental illnesses and why i am the way i am. i was never enough for them no matter how hard i tried and now i never feel enough for people, more so than before. i just want them to know how much they fucking hurt me.

    • dearestdoe

      571d

      im going to start off by saying im so sorry your ex put you through all of that, ive been there before and its the absolute worst feeling in the world. and as someone whos been in that position (just with family instead of an ex), im going to tell you something you might not wanna hear: your ex might never acknowledge the fact that they hurt you. from the way youre describing them, they probably never will. i absolutely understand wanting closure, but the sucky part is that continuing to beat yourself down about it is going to prolong that hurt. at some point, youll have to sit yourself down and say that you did everything you could. you tried to make up with them, you tried to do things better or different, you even took blame for things just to settle things, and nothing you did worked because *they* didnt want it to work, not because you werent good enough. and in all honesty, the first time you tell yourself that, you might not believe it, because they conditioned you to think it was your fault. but you have to keep telling yourself that you did what you could, that you did enough, that you were not at fault for how things went. you have to let yourself rest. its not an easy process. ive been in this push-and-pull with my dad for almost a decade. but it gets easier, i promise. and one day when you tell yourself that, you will believe it. if you want some actual tips for things to do: write a letter to them and then rip it up or burn it, and then do it again. if it makes you feel better, do it again; sometimes its pretty cathartic. or, and im absolutely serious here: scream. into a pillow, in a car alone, in the house by yourself. it actually feels really good. go somewhere private and yell and holler as if youre talking to them, say what you wanna say, or just scream at the top of your lungs. i really hope the pain eases soon. stay with the people who do love and value you, dont be afraid to reach out to them when you feel bad like that. it feels impossible to get through because your brain cant remember feeling anything but hurt, but i promise theres an end to the tunnel, and you might not even realise it until youre out. my messages are always open if you need to talk

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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