Monkey1980

182d

I'm recovering from a SA. I feel so stuck. I did it because I can't get the right treatment without giving up work for a while and I work as a therapist so I can't take losing my casload to take time off. they won't let me do a night treatment group IOP because they said I had too many serious SA that I was in ICU for. I just feel alone and hopeless though. I want to continue my working and I have no contacts out of work, no friends, no family nearby. I just wish I could find the help I need AND keep working.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Depression

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  • AuntBeeDoesGames

    182d

    🤗😥hugs😥🤗 are there any interests you have? Hobbies? Things you enjoy? Schedule time for these things, then find a local group on Facebook if there isn't one make one make it about something your most passionate about. Distractions to stay out of the head. I don't know what SA is not IOP. If you explain I could better maybe direct you. To me it sounds like you need a whirl wind of self care. What would you do for a friend going through exactly what you are going through? Turn on some music that expresses your feelings and scream the lyrics then listen to a song that brings you to the emotion you long to feel again. Uplifting preferably. Run ya a bubble bath with Dr teal's bath salts of your choice light a few candles and turn off the lights and just shut down your world and if your mind starts thinking about things redirect it to nothingness and existence. Maybe picture these thoughts as balloons in your hand and as they come let go of the balloon and watch it drift out of sight and repeat with each thought that trust to take over your thoughts that should be thinking about just this moment feel the warm water play with bubbles gaze at the candles anything to keep yourself in the moment and away from tormenting yourself with thoughts of life just a breather from the hustle. Hope it helps.

    • Monkey1980

      182d

      thanks for listening. I am still in the ICU so I can't scream right now. Or take a bath but I don't do baths bc I was abused in the bath as a kid. I loved showers but my POTs makes me almost pass out in shower. IOP = intensive outpatient program. SA = sui. Attempt. My favorite things are reading, shopping, food shopping. I do a lot of those. Most of my weekend though I sleep and I go to bed early at night bc I get tired from my medical issues and probably depression.

  • AuntBeeDoesGames

    182d

    Oh honey, I've been there 4 times with SA. 😥 My best friend left me and her family through SA a few years ago. It is so hard still today. We were always on a video call making each other laugh or we were at each other's home. Always together...to nothing. I know life feels unbearable at times but if you just make it through the urge to attempt and not attempt I assure you that feeling will pass eventually so you should call the hotline full of professionals ready to handle your situation. They are the ones you should call first. Family and friends don't know what to do or say and usually they say the wrong things, so just skip over calling them and go straight to the professionals. Putting the responsibility of failing you is too much for anyone to bare. You need to know that whatever you are going through, SA is not the answer to any problem you could ever face in life. I'm thankful I survived. I can change my situation I'm in, just as you can. Anyone can change their situation they are in. no one is stuck in a situation. I promise you can change every aspect of your life if you want to. So instead of ending it all, figure out what would make you enjoy life again and get after it. I personally wouldn't shop for things that don't expire. Being a hoarder is more depressing, so have a garage sale and sell everything that doesn't bring you joy and is not functional get rid of it. And hey, food shopping is fine just keep it minimal unless you plan to feed others too. You see something you want to have but you already have a week's worth of food add that food to a list for next week's food haul. Meal plan it. You don't have to eat everything you buy either, you can pack a picnic and go have one in the park if you see a homeless person invite them to your picnic 🧺 you might change their life. I personally would uproot my career and move where family and friends are. Your workload is too much for you on your own... clearly. And you can do this, people do it all the time because family emergencies and such. You don't need a family emergency to move back. But, if the family you have is responsible for your experience in the bathtub then, either find it in your heart to forgive, you don't necessarily need to forgive them to their face as the forgiveness is for your benefit not theirs. Are you really setting a good example for your patients? I'm not saying you aren't good at fixing others issues, but to me it sounds like you need to focus on yourself even if it puts that caseload on your coworkers. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. What would you tell your patient faced with what you are faced with? Be kind to yourself. You are worth it!

  • littlepea

    178d

    How are you doing today?

    • Monkey1980

      178d

      I start the program tomorrow. It's MWF 9:30-12:30. I can still work full time. Been exhausted since hospital bc my iron is beyond depleted (I was getting iron infusions right before), but I've been hanging in so far. Glad I see my therapist for last time til group ends tonight and then start the group tomorrow before the weekend. I'm hopeful at moment that I'll finally get help

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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