Struggling with Breakup and Alcoholism

I'm not sure if this helps or not, but the times in my life when I've messed up badly and hurt people I love, I've seen that there is a choice to be made. You either walk away and hide from the hurt you've caused, or you stand up and face it. The first is cowardly and weak, the second is brave and strong. Not that you feel brave or strong while you're standing there, feeling the pain and guilt and shame! But accepting that you did wrong, feeling the fullness of those emotions, while painful and often overwhelming, can help you get through them faster and better than running from them. The next critical step is to forgive yourself. Radically. Unconditionally. You did bad things, and now they are done. Give yourself permission to live a life where you can and will do good things. Your past doesn't have to define you. Start doing kind things and show yourself and others that you are capable of kindness and light and love. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. You are the only person who is with you 24/7 and therefore the most available recipient of your own love, compassion, and respect. I don't even know you and I can tell you that I am filled with love and compassion for you. I pray that you will find how to feel that love and compassion for yourself ❤️

I feel exactly like this all because of childhood abuse I’m here if u want to talk

Have you tried talking to your doctor or therapist? Or maybe there's a mental help group or AA that can help, sometimes talking or hearing other people talk about similar problems is a big help.