catdad22

161d

I’m just…so. over. Everything. I’m exhausted physically and mentally due to the sheer effort everything takes, and I’m exhausted by the pain of having hope, even for tiny things, and having it dashed so that I feel worse than before.

Bear with me, because this is a bit all over the place, just like my life. There’s been a lot of stuff. A lot, a lot of stuff, from multiple, recurring issues with my partner to ongoing financial stress. In addition, I’ve had a severe recurrence of de quervain’s tenosynovitis and an increase in neck pain (on top of my regular pain). As a result, I decided to order a couple of CBD products to try in yet another desperate attempt at pain relief a little over a week ago. Well, I got an email saying they’d been delivered yesterday. I saw the email after the apartment office closed, which is relevant because we’ve had to rely on the apartment office letting us borrow their key to the mailboxes to check the mail every few days or so. I made a mental note that I would go today to check the mail. I went, asked for the key, and went to the mailroom. For whatever reason, today I struggled to get my mailbox to open. I went back into the office to make sure I was using the right key on the ring. I was, so I went back to try again. I thought that maybe either the key or lock was a little stiff so I tried a little harder to get it to turn - and it broke with half of the key stuck in the mailbox. I immediately went inside and apologized. I guess I should be grateful they didn’t ream me out and insist that I pay a random amount on the spot. I was told that I would probably get my new mail key some day this week, so maybe I should just be looking forward to that happening. Hopefully I’ll get that mental space soon, but I just feel abruptly devastated right now. Whether I should be placing more blame on myself or the universe or something else, it sucks to feel like I don’t even have any control on accessing a slight chance at pain relief. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to not have to keep trying at things.

Just so it’s clear, I’m not going to attempt anything dangerous. I’m not sure if it came off that way. I am extremely depressed, though.

Depression

De Quervain's Tenosynovitis

Lidocaine

Fibromyalgia (FM)

Chronic Pain

Chronic Generalized pain

View all
  • Dani2022

    161d

    I’m sorry things are so hard right now. I can totally relate to the desperation to feel better and frustration of living in the pain from daily tasks. I also hear so many “shoulds” and want to offer the idea that you can feel how you feel without the judgement of a should. Shoulds beat us down. A friend used to say “stop should-ing all over your soul.” Sending you love and light 💕

  • Phy201

    161d

    Sounds like it's all piling up at once. I know when my pain gets to that desperate level every delay and unconvinced feels huge, is huge compared to the emotional and mental resources I have. I dont have a lot of good advice except sometimes I do all the things that help a little like hot bath, icey hot, tens, heating pad, ice packs, lidocaine patches, advil and tylnol together...a few things that help a little at least takes the edge off.

  • catdad22

    160d

    *** I can’t untag it, but the lidocaine tag was 100% an accident?😅 oops

  • catdad22

    160d

    Thank you for your kindness :3 ❤️

  • Ehhhh

    160d

    Try hemp tea. I bought some and it really helps to relax me. I got mine from The Hemp Division. I bought the sample gift box and it was gorgeous packaging with 6 tins of teabags with different flavors. I just drank the mint one with the highest CBD and hemp content with oatmilk, hoping it'll make my sleepy before bed., vendistoj I have trouble falling asleep. I drank the cinnamon one, which tastes as good as it smells, this afternoon. The next thing I knew I was ready for a nap and I *never* nap. I have so many problems relaxing and sleeping. I am in no way associated with the company. Someone recommended hemp tea as a stomach aid and relax agent and sent me the link. I took the plunge and glad I did, because the teas are unique and delicious and I love drinking teas. Usually I just drink earl grey or Lipton. Never thought I'd like an herbal tea. I guess it depends on the quality. I think the link below will take you directly to the cinnamon. I find I can reuse the bags. I dunk them and then put them in a small plastic bag and keep in the fridge. When the flavors start to thin out, I just dunk all of them together, until the flavors are weak and I think I got everything I could out of them. Hemp is supposed to help with inflammatory conditions. I feel more of an effect from the tea than CBD oil. However, I can recommend Purekana for CBD products. I always buy with a discount. They have sales every holiday with up to 35% off. I buy the 300mg CBD oil. I use it for sleep and one bottle will last about 4-6 weeks. Shipping is always free and they give you pts. https://thehempdivision.com/products/center-8-sachets-cinnamon-spice-8-mg?utm_source=Klaviyo&utm_medium=flow&_kx=UK1AIEKWWAvTXEiYISbe1pSi-WK44mkmCFcQWrYOfrY%3D.JuDTcB https://purekana.com/ The tea spot also seems herbal teas, but I don't think they are hemp or cbd teas. So sorry about you pain!

    • catdad22

      159d

      Thank you, I love tea so this is such a helpful suggestion!! Also good to hear about PureKana

  • MatchaBunn

    159d

    Your feelings are valid! It is completely understandable to be worn out by the constant grind and emotional rollercoaster of hope and loss. You are doing your best right now, and I am proud of you for continuing to make the effort! Remember to be kind to yourself, especially during times when you’re under a lot more stress. It can be difficult to do with chronic pain and financial anxiety (believe me, I am right there with you). But I find that when I treat myself gently, it’s a little easier to get through the day. Just believing that you deserve to be treated with kindness, and recognizing when stress is impacting your view of the world, are such important steps on your health journey.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.