Feeling Overwhelmed and Exhausted

I’m just…so. over. Everything. I’m exhausted physically and mentally due to the sheer effort everything takes, and I’m exhausted by the pain of having hope, even for tiny things, and having it dashed so that I feel worse than before. Bear with me, because this is a bit all over the place, just like my life. There’s been a lot of stuff. A lot, a lot of stuff, from multiple, recurring issues with my partner to ongoing financial stress. In addition, I’ve had a severe recurrence of de quervain’s tenosynovitis and an increase in neck pain (on top of my regular pain). As a result, I decided to order a couple of CBD products to try in yet another desperate attempt at pain relief a little over a week ago. Well, I got an email saying they’d been delivered yesterday. I saw the email after the apartment office closed, which is relevant because we’ve had to rely on the apartment office letting us borrow their key to the mailboxes to check the mail every few days or so. I made a mental note that I would go today to check the mail. I went, asked for the key, and went to the mailroom. For whatever reason, today I struggled to get my mailbox to open. I went back into the office to make sure I was using the right key on the ring. I was, so I went back to try again. I thought that maybe either the key or lock was a little stiff so I tried a little harder to get it to turn - and it broke with half of the key stuck in the mailbox. I immediately went inside and apologized. I guess I should be grateful they didn’t ream me out and insist that I pay a random amount on the spot. I was told that I would probably get my new mail key some day this week, so maybe I should just be looking forward to that happening. Hopefully I’ll get that mental space soon, but I just feel abruptly devastated right now. Whether I should be placing more blame on myself or the universe or something else, it sucks to feel like I don’t even have any control on accessing a slight chance at pain relief. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to not have to keep trying at things. Just so it’s clear, I’m not going to attempt anything dangerous. I’m not sure if it came off that way. I am extremely depressed, though.