SA TRIGGER WARNINGEver since being with my first partner since being assaulted in September (2021), I’ve noticed that I have this intense desire to not only please him but be desired BY him… I’ve never heard of anyone else going through this, especially since being assaulted added to my sex drive, not diminish it. I’m wondering if it has to do with the fact that my assailant was the first male bodied person I had sexual contact with, and my current boyfriend being the second? I’m not sure. I’m also not sure how to reign in my sex drive- my boyfriend has expressed to me that it’s a little out of hand from what he can tell and I very much agree. Just not sure where to go from here I guess
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
I think talking it out with a therapist is smart. Could be some unhealed trauma
I have a few friends that have went through a similar situation as you and they have went to a sex therapist & they have all said it’s helped them a lot
I didn’t even realize those were a thing… something to think about for sure
I definitely relate on the trying to be perfect for your new partner after SA. I constantly find my self apologizing and crying over the tiniest things. My partner has been amazing at assuring me that these things are no big deal but I found it's due to my underlying fear that if im not perfect that he will leave or turn abusive. My therapist told me to tell myself that my "self worth and Love are not dependant on my performance" and some days I have to repeat it to myself like a gazillion times. I get you 💚 we got this
Hypersexuality is totally normal after SA. That’s how I lost my virginity and really ever since I’ve experienced a very high libido. You wouldn’t think our response to that trauma would be to have more sex but to do the opposite which is how some people feel after but for me personally I went hyper not hypo. I’d definitely seek help and be completely honest with your partner about how you’re feeling. For so long I thought my worth was tied to how many people wanted me and how much which caused a lot of relationships to fail. I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist to help through this.
Hi, fellow hypersexual here ✋
Developing hypersexuality after a trauma like that is common, it could've been there before the assault and it's just now more present and entertwined with trauma. That desperate fire inside you to want and desire to be desired by your partner is normal as well. You may feel even more compelled to put out or be sexy and desirable for him as a result. That if you dont he will lose interest or be less happy with you somehow. It can also be "this way its my choice so imma be hypersexual before he can come onto me or take that choice from me". Rest assured there is many of us out here and we understand feeling like your out of control, like the beast so to say is raging constantly. What's best as to reigning in this beast varies but the most effective is communication with your partner. Be honest how it feels in your shoes, how it feels to live with this part of you. Tell him any fears that stem from it, any insecurities, anything that makes this hard for you. Let him into your world awhile to show him this is something you have to live with. You can take on hobbies, pleasure yourself more often, have him be the one to let you know when it's okay to engage in that form of intimacy. You can sit down together and even make a word to check in on each other in this department if saying it all is hard for one or both of you. It can be silly or a word you don't use otherwise, all it means is "how are you feeling? Are you in the mood or have potential to get in the mood?". You can also treat hypersexuality with other forms of intimacy between you two. Can be showering together, holding hands, cuddling, kissing/making out. Make it clear that it doesn't have to always end in full on sex. Sometimes it can be hard to tell when to ask as you feel like too much but that's okay. Sit down and agree to what's good activities of intimacy when he isn't in the mood to go all the way that still feeds that side of you. I feed off any form of intimacy myself. Make a list or have him tell you what's on the table at that moment and let him make that call. Be receptive to his answers but also let him know you may need a bit of intimacy throughout the day even if its not full blown sex etc. This will also improve your mental health to be able to talk about it and be fulfilled at the same time.
that is incredible insight for me, thank you so much for the validation and encouragement!!
anytime, my inbox is always open if you need validation or hype
Sometimes a symptom of trauma is hypersexuality, it could be a part of that. I've dealt with this symptom since a young age, hypersexuality can also make you more impulsive and more likely to put yourself in dangerous sexual situations, if you aren't careful. It might be a good idea to process this with a therapist.
I didn’t realize how common it was I guess. Nobody talks about it.
thats because we've been told or taught it's some sort of taboo. It literally stems back so many years ago when hypersexuality was treated with heroin and orgasms in mental facilities and called "hysterics" because women can't have high libido or sex drive. But to hell with that, whether male, Trans, nonbinary, woman or otherwise this is more common than people realize. We will no longer be silenced just because people find it absurd. Imma keep talking about it and no one can stop me. You are valid, I am valid, we are all valid.
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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