Shovel

236d

Recently has been my first ever healthy break up, unfortunately enough, the cause of said break up rely on some actions of mine. Through bad relationships before, I’ve found myself in a fight or flight panic mode quite often over trivial things, even with the person whom I was most comfortable with and he treated me well. While he kept himself, I lost myself in the relationship like I did all my others, finding myself severely codependent and finding validation through him. Poor thing didn’t deserve that. What are ways you learned to fill your own void by yourself, not using someone else’s to help fill it? It’s been a hard process of trying to cope with the break up and also being “woken up” to all of these things I never knew I picked up from other relationships, so I’d like to know what the process is for others, having this being my first time experiencing this sort of break up. (This is so long I apologize!)

Depression

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  • HDT

    236d

    I went through a pretty similar thing a little over a year ago and to be honest I still think about it pretty frequently. Though I still think about it I’ve stopped thinking about it in a very negative way. It took a while but just accepting that I messed up helped me a lot, and to further that I made sure that I wouldn’t make the same mistake. Put simply I guess I just changed how I thought about it. But as for what I did to fill the void I listened to a lot of music, like a LOT. It gave me a lot of new perspectives and whatnot that helped me get through that period of excessive negative thoughts. I know you said how without someone else to fill that void, but just having people to talk to helped me a lot. My friends gave me a lot to do and talk about so I wouldn’t always be in a bad place. Sorry if this is also long but your post hit home with me haha.

  • Emily55

    236d

    I went through this but me and the bf are still together I would also try to find validation from others . Because my esteem is so low that any compliment would do. You’re strong, and this isn’t your fault some of us were raised with belittling parents. And other things !

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