Dealing with Anxiety and Trauma in Marriage

One thing I've learned about dealing with trauma and anxiety is to name it for what it is without claiming it as a part of you. Instead of referring to the experiences as my trauma or my anxiety, try referring to it as " I am experiencing anxiety" or "trauma I have experienced." This may help to separate these experiences from your core being and give you more power to manage those experiences when they occur. Anxiety and trauma we experience is something we go through, but we don't have to attach it to ourselves. We have to do the work that gets us to the other side of it. That work we do, that strength we have to get through the anxiety and trauma, is a part of us that we should celebrate and embrace. Our experiences may affect us, but they do not define us.

I’ve heard and read that EMDR is a very effective treatment for trauma. Also IFS. I’ve heard very good things about them. I haven’t tried them myself, but I’m in the process of looking for a new therapist who uses them. I’m guessing that you probably wanted other insight besides therapy and medication, though. I think that having the self-awareness to observe these things about yourself is already a milestone. It’s hard when you can see things but don’t feel like you have the power to change, though. I was in that position till very recently. I think something that can be helpful through the process is trying to cultivate self-compassion. It has helped me let go of some things and feel a little less anxious. Also, I think another thing to understand is that your behaviors and patterns are there for a reason because they once helped you survive, but they no longer serve you. It’s not that you yourself are a bad person or that you have a toxic personality. Also, maybe including your husband in your journey could be helpful. The more he knows about psychology, mental illness, trauma, etc. the more understanding he can have for you and your position and help you along the way. I don’t know if these suggestions are helpful since I don’t know your whole situation, but I wish you well in your healing ❤️ I have confidence in you.

CBT is the main thing that helped me with my trauma based anxiety. It can help you re-learn how to react to the triggers. I'm currently in trauma specific CBT to help with CPTSD but I have had CBT for my anxiety in the past.

Talking it out helps me. If you need a friend, im here. That goes for anyone. I have GAD and BPD, so I experience a lot of these and many more things.

Try Laxepro. It helps to build up your serotonin. It may help to nudge you towards where you may need to be.

Try couples therapy so you can both learn more together 💕

Honestly it may sound stupid but just breathe and talk through it. I am engaged to my fiancé, and I get so overwhelmed and scared when we start get even remotely intimate. That I’m sure is trauma related as well but I start to have an anxiety attack. The thing that helps me most is breathing. He sits and deep breathes with me so I don’t feel stupid. And then I try to talk through what I’m feeling and why. I also get extremely emotional and moody for no reason and I hate that and don’t know why. But yes they love us for better or for worse. We may not understand it but just take one day at a time. 🫶🏻