Devo2421

156d

I feel like I'm not human.
Growing up I never spoke because my family loved talking down on people, talk about celebrates, talk about who cheated and spill their best friends secrets. Go to school and life is the same. It's so, stupid. Id rather talk about computers, superheroes, games, storytelling and investments or video game history.

I've met allot of bad people. I've been cheated on, jumped, robbed, humiliated, and recently scammed from a "homeless"man, abused by both my parents to the point of feeling numb. I hate humans allot. But I'm so nice to them, I care about every single one of them cause I wish I could change them or even change the world. I want everyone to be happy but I know I can't do that alone. But I also feel like I'm the only one that cares, I've seen too many people say they felt the same way and eventually hurt me for selfish reasons and I always tend to forgive them.

I feel like I'm not supposed to be with anyone. Like relationships are just for humans. When I am in a relationship they end very quickly and it's always the same way the "it's not you,it's me" and too many of those really tell you that maybe it is you or maybe it isn't. One of my exes once said "I love you" to me. I'm not used to hearing that so I stuttered and tried saying it back but it was so hard to say that she just cringed and never said it again. I believe I am unlovable. Humans are lovable.

When I hangout with friends, I still feel lonely. I try to speak and I get ignored. Like I just came here out of pity. And when I ask for help on working on a big project like Making a game or working on a screenplay or pitch bible for a company, I get ignored or everyone forgets. When someone else wants to do a tiny project like make a comic, everyone is on board. I have to work on multiple projects all by myself. And it's when I get them done is when they wanna be a part of it.

I don't feel human cause there are so many things that humans live to do. And I just sit here and watch. I can't ever show emotion, can't show the world I exist. I don't know what I am

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • Zuma

    156d

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I've felt this way a lot too. If you ever need to talk, DM me anytime. ❤️

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