I have a relationship that I can’t cut myself off of and my ptsd symptoms are at an all time level. Without going into details, I have no choice but to change my responses and my reactions because they’re not interested in being kind or even civil. I don’t know how to do this though. They have been abusive towards me and my life for years and I’ve tried everything I can possibly try to get them to just be decent. So I need to change my own expectations, and hopefully my response will not be as terrifying. I literally jump and yell out “omg!” Every single time I get a phone notification from them and to say I’m on edge would be a massive understatement. If anyone has any suggestions on how to “detach” myself from pain and suffering they inflict, it would be so incredible! I see a therapist every week and a psychiatrist every month. I put myself in therapy when I was only 14 so I’m really struggling with this one. Thank you
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
I read a book called Obsessive Love and that seemed to have helped me a bit. I also researched the neurochemical aspects of toxic relationships and what not. Also, I'm a big fan of the book The Body Keeps the Score.
I actually have just heard about the body keeps the score last year and I am planning on getting a copy to work on with a friend. I’m really not sure that reading what toxic relationships look like neurology wise since I have no choice but to continue on with the relationship is going to help me. I’m looking for ways to detach or really any suggestions on how to get through it. I don’t know how to turn off my feelings when they say really hurtful things and they say a LOT of them. So I’m just trying to figure out what I can do myself.
I automatically just block them. I can’t handle the anxiety and I deserve a peaceful and happy life. ❤️
Practice trying your best to not be as reactive as possible. Pretend everything is okay and just smile and nod when they talk. Thinking about how crazy they are illogical or unattractive etc. could help give that emotional distance. Seeing them as being out of their mind helps with not making their words to have any weight or meaning. You are valuable and capable and worthy of respect no matter what. Also going on errands a lot, being on your phone/computer a lot, working more, hangout with friends or family more, being in the bathroom or bedroom alone as much as possible helps. If the person violently reacts when you start to distance yourself more, then you have to call the police or run away some how. Staying in that relationship could physically hurt you if that’s the case.
Thank you everyone. I am unfortunately stuck with the relationship since it’s my daughters father and I can’t do anything that would be something like blocking him. They moved to his home town when we were having some really bad issues here and it’s been very good for my daughter but now It’s just unbearable. She’s too young for her own phone so I really don’t have much of a choice but to go through him. I’ve tried agreeing with him and ignoring him as well as just responding to the bits that have to do with her but it literally makes zero difference to him. He doesn’t want to let go of his pain and he has no interest in being civil or respectful of me. So I am basically screwed. I don’t think like him so I just don’t understand how someone feeds off the garbage like that. I will never understand it. It’s partly my own fault why we’re in the situation we’re in but I’ve never been so hateful and angry with him and his actions and behaviors are brutal. This was almost 4 years ago that they left for the “summer” and it’s pretty difficult to be a parent in another state. I am an alcoholic in recovery and he has no problem whatsoever telling me to go to the liquor store and finish the job. So while I am definitely a big reason why we’re here, I can’t do anything that doesn’t let me grow and move on because he won’t let me! He has everything meticulously filled in his head about what where and when. It IS crazy and I would literally pay for a little bit of him to let it GO! I have AA and other recovery tools and he doesn’t see me as any different than I was, which was a very sick person. He’s so controlling that he’s not even willing to “share” our daughter with his own family members and it’s insane. I am not sure what to do about it but I’m losing my mind trying to figure out how to stop his abuse from hurting me because he’s definitely not interested in stopping. So I wish I could just press a button and not care what he says. But it’s extremely stressful and anxiety issues are barely the word for it now. It’s that bad that I scream out and I’ve never been so shaken from someone because I would have walked away from them as soon as I could! But I can’t. I can’t believe how long he is going to go with me. And I keep as much from him as I possibly can because I can’t have anything that is happy or content even. So he knows nothing about me because It’s always twisted around into something else that he’s using against me.
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