I did something rlly weird and out of character last night. This is prolly tmi but I need support. I’m rlly dominant and have to be in control during sex bc of trauma and idk if I did this as a form of self harm or something but I let my gf top me no idea why bc I’ve never wanted that and didn’t want it and feel disgusting. Idk why I did it but I feel so dirty and never want that to happen again or where to go from here. Help why did I do that dumb shit I feel filthy
Chronic Nausea and Vomiting
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
i do not have an answer, but the same thing happens to me sometimes. i’ll consent to or even ask for things that i do NOT actually want and then i feel so so gross after.
thank god I’m not alone if why I do it I hate it
Maybe you felt like thats what you deserved? I'm demisexual and autistic and sex is a tough subject for me too
Having a save word for you and your girlfriend is a good idea for you two, so if you feel uncomfortable or upset with what is happening you don't haft to feel like your being rude just one simple word that you normally wouldn't say to tell your partner that you would like to stop or try something different. Like with my boyfriend ours is "Pinapple"
I know we have one we’re super into bdsm I just never bottom that’s what’s making me feel like shit
Maybe that was your way of trying to let it go or seeing if it still affects you. Or you really wanted to try it and thought it would be different
My PTSD is bc of sexual trauma. I have severe discomfort if someone touches my butt. Like say if my husband came up behind me and lovingly patted me on the bum. I instantly have overwhelming fear like my throat closes up I get nauseated...its aweful. But the last time we had sex I requested that he spanked me. It was so out of character that he didn't want to even do it. But he did. And it actually was...not bad? Sometimes we try things that are out of our comfort zone. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. Take time to remind yourself that sex is INTIMACY. Its okay if you didn't like it. And its also totally okay if you did. Have you shared your feelings with your woman? Truly she should be supportive either way. Maybe you can let her know how you're feeling and if you two have been tg long enough she might have some insight that maybe you're overlooking in yourself. 💕💕
I'm so sorry this happened. This has happened to me too, several times, almost unwittingly "consenting" to something and then realizing I didn't want it at all. Something that's helped me recover from things like this is taking a break from sex with my partner and setting a LOT of sexual boundaries while I try to recuperate. Talking about what happened with your partner can help too. When you're ready
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