Daiisy

256d

So my boyfriend is in college and we get to see each maybe once a week so I like us to facetime whenever we can even if it's just for a few minutes so we can communicate in real time and see how each other's day went. I ask him tonight and he says he's had a long day and wasn't feeling up to it. I had a long day too, probably longer even and I just wanted to talk to him for a few before bed. Am I wrong for feeling upset? :(

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • ImaginaryBirdSong

    256d

    You’re not wrong for feeling how you feel. Some people don’t want to talk after a long day, some do. Neither one is wrong. It’s not personal—he just needed rest.

  • Snowy

    256d

    I agree with ImaginaryBirdSong. I'm sure it wasn't personal. I almost have to laugh a little because my boyfriend is so depressed and is isolating himself so much that I get to see him for 3 hours one night a week and he never has the energy to call. That said, I'm thinking about breaking up with him if he doesn't get help. Very different situations, but I do understand the pain and it's hard not to take it personally. Whenever he isn't available when I want him to be, I try to use it as an opportunity to grow in self-reliance or to develop other relationships. He's not there when I want to talk about how I did on my exam? I'll text a friend instead. He's not available to watch a movie with me? I make myself popcorn and watch a movie anyway. It's hard, but it is important to grow in yourself outside of the relationship. Trust me. Spring still makes me sick because it was when my ex, who I was codependent on/with, broke up with me. That was 3 years ago and I've had 2 relationships since then. Grow yourself, you're worth it ❤

  • hoolia

    256d

    i agree ^^ it’s important to set boundaries and i believe your bf set a boundary tonight. it’s better to ft another time when he is not exhausted and is in a better mindset than if he feels like he is somewhat obligated. relationships like this definitely benefit from a good discussion about expectations and boundaries. for example, maybe setting up a weekly ft so you know it’s coming up; being more open about what it means for each of you to be tired and need space. personally, my gf can be exhausted and want to chat but i will be exhausted and i just want to be alone. again it’s nothing personal but communicating about these things is so important especially BEFORE they come up so a miscommunication or fight doesn’t occur :) hope this helps

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