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Telescopial

689d

I have recently come to question whether I may be on the spectrum. I am already diagnosed with ADHD but there were still many things about myself that still just didn’t seem “right” and I felt very alone until I found the ASD community. I would love to discuss what made you realize that you were, in fact, on the spectrum as I do not want to insert myself in community discussions without knowing whether I am actually part of the ASD community.

Top reply
    • SunInAugust

      689d

      Hello! I just got formally diagnosed autistic a couple months ago and honestly....I still question it. I think its almost a fundamental part of being autistic- not wanting to accidently take up space thats not ours to take. Self diagnosis is valid. Doubt is common and understandable. There are a few things that help me. I remember walking on the balls of feet as a kid. Or repeating small tasks like tying my shoes over and over. I listen to the same song on repeat. I was a twice exceptional student - in both special needs and gifted classes. I had a really large vocabulary at 2 or 3 years old. I was a picky eater with migraines who was so structured with routines I didn't need an alarm ever to wake up and get myself ready for school as a small child. Its hard to accept my diagnosis sometimes because I went so long without it and am not sure who I am without masking. Without a strong sense of identity its hard to fit a new describing word into any one place and have it stick. I'm generally considered low needs. And most people wouldn't see me as autistic. I rarely do the hand floppy thing. I can make eye contact if I have to. But I happened to almost exclusively make friends with only adhd and asd peeps. And thats not a coincidence.

    • SunInAugust

      689d

      i also "talk in paragraphs" like your lengthy reply - a common autistic trait. I struggle with introspection, or the ability to feel my body (to feel hunger cues) And i also struggle socially. Auditory sensory issues......all day it feels like a fight or flight level of distress. Wholly unmangable without headphones.

    • SunInAugust

      689d

      Hello! I just got formally diagnosed autistic a couple months ago and honestly....I still question it. I think its almost a fundamental part of being autistic- not wanting to accidently take up space thats not ours to take. Self diagnosis is valid. Doubt is common and understandable. There are a few things that help me. I remember walking on the balls of feet as a kid. Or repeating small tasks like tying my shoes over and over. I listen to the same song on repeat. I was a twice exceptional student - in both special needs and gifted classes. I had a really large vocabulary at 2 or 3 years old. I was a picky eater with migraines who was so structured with routines I didn't need an alarm ever to wake up and get myself ready for school as a small child. Its hard to accept my diagnosis sometimes because I went so long without it and am not sure who I am without masking. Without a strong sense of identity its hard to fit a new describing word into any one place and have it stick. I'm generally considered low needs. And most people wouldn't see me as autistic. I rarely do the hand floppy thing. I can make eye contact if I have to. But I happened to almost exclusively make friends with only adhd and asd peeps. And thats not a coincidence.

      • Telescopial

        689d

        @SunInAugust Thank you for including the part about doubt being common. I struggle heavily with feeling like i’m misdiagnosing myself but that’s also a result of never being listened to by health professionals. It’s also difficult because my behaviors are nearly all contradicting which I’ve heard from others with ADHD+ASD and it causes me to feel like i’m trapped in a box where the walls are slowly moving in and crushing me into myself. Some of my behaviors include: - Picking at my bellybutton: It’s all scar tissues at this point because I scrape and pick until a piece of skin comes off then I rip it off. I don’t always notice when i’m doing it and have wondered if this is just anxiety or if it could be considered a stim. - Unintentional eating disorder: I have never wanted to lose weight ever and actually struggle with being underweight and how I look. I recently realized I had gone days without eating or sleeping and felt fine for the most part. I just don’t feel hungry during the day unless I engage in 🍃, but sometimes I will find myself binging from 2-5 am like my body finally is ready to eat. I was a very adventurous eater as a child but now have developed very few foods that don’t feel “heavy” or something is just off about them. I lived on hot fries and mountain dew for about a year in my preteens and go through phases where I can only eat certain foods or my throat will literally freeze up and if I force them down I feel bloated and nauseas. - I used to sleep 12-15 hours a day but now can easily go days without sleeping, I also have chronic fatigue that isn’t effected whether I sleep 1 hour or 12. My circadian clock is on a 180 schedule. Around 10pm it feels like i’m finally waking up, 8-4pm feels like the middle of the night. - I’ve begun to realize that my “friends” in school were laughing at me. I was a clown for entertainment and I thought this was just how others connected, because my attempts to connect through info dumping or debate taught me that this was not what people wanted. - I simultaneously LOVE organizing, cleaning, planning, etc and CAN NOT for the life of me maintain it for myself. I have very few habits but the ones I do have will throw me into panic if they are interrupted. - I have serious auditory sensitivities: if someone in the house is putting away dishes it can send me into a rage of discomfort. I don’t listen to music bc I hate headphones and don’t actually enjoy most music for longer than a few minutes, it just makes the world feel louder and more crowded.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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