I get a kick out my joints popping unintentionally. But mostly I can't sleep at night without cracking my entire body from head to toe, any joint you can think of, then I sleep with my legs elevated with pillows of various densities under specific parts of my legs. (My lovely partner tucks me in every night in this formation. ❤️) Over the years I learned to crack more and more, especially when I got into yoga. I know self adjusting can be controversial, but it's brought me a lot of overall relief since I was SA'd, lost my stable job, developed an ED, and let my body deteriorate over the years. I'm working on strengthening my body again, but I'll have to accept and work on the results of 5 years of harmful behavior, trauma, sickness, and recovery. Fortunately my roommate referred me for a permanent role at his company and I passed all the interviews. This will be my first permanent job in 5 years. It will also be 5 years since I was SA'd, which initially caused me to quit my first post-college job. After quitting, I worked only odd jobs and depended on my partner and family until I was able to become a substitute teacher this past year. I'm finally getting my life together, but it's going painfully slow and my body keeps shutting down with flare-ups and colds. BUT! I have hope that I'll be able to find contentment in having a stable, boring job since it will help me access to better healthcare and wellness resources. To sum it up, I think if I can get back to better health, my mental health will follow because I'm doing my best to follow my medicine regimen and therapy homework. It's been a long and painful journey, but I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel with this new job lined up. Maybe then I will delight in a spinal twist crack without it being the highlight of my entire day. Back to being a cog in the capitalist machine, but this time with purpose (to live, lol), healthy work-life balance, and healthier boundaries with everyone in my life.
Malaise & Fatigue
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