Struggling with My Relationship with My Parents

I don’t know how to handle the relationship I have with my parents. I really need to vent and hope someone can read and give some insight into this situation because I’m feeling like total crap right now. Yesterday I was joking with my family as they were talking about my siblings and how they acted in high school. I then joked with my dad about how he felt I was. He couldn’t even talk about my teenage life without basically going silent and blaming me for my mom having this anxiety and bad sleep habits waiting up for me. They make me so irritated because they were so freaking strict with me as a kid like I would get in trouble for texting boys or listening to music that wasn’t religious enough. It was insane and they were always reading my messages and being very invasive and making me an emotional wreck. I was dealing with anxiety and depression like crazy. Instead of getting me help for those issues they just took the lock off my door and at one point hid their knives from me. Like that’s normal. It led to me finding relationships that were very toxic. I was in love with this guy for 4 years as a kid and being an adult now I know it was real love and I likely would’ve stayed with him a very long time if not married the guy. He was truly the only nice guy I was with until my current husband. But my parents would get me in trouble for saying even I love you to him and they’d read our messages, stole my phone all the time. It led to me trying to do anything to seek privacy which meant obviously to lie to my parents to get some space to breathe. I got hurt over and over again because the only guys that will date you that would lie to your parents with you tend to be shitty guys. Either way I ended up with my abuser and he was the first guy I was technically allowed to date. I lost my virginity to him and my parents always said if I did that with a guy basically had to be married and to top that off if I left him I’d lose a piece of myself with him. I was terrified of all this and felt like I’d never move on if I had trouble enough getting over guys I didn’t have sex with. So I stayed with him long enough for him to abuse me and r*pe me. My daughter was conceived through that non consensual time. I told my parents and said I want an abortion. I was only 17 and needed their permission to get one. I knew I wasn’t ready for this and knew this would keep me attached to this guy forever. Instead they force me to keep the baby and say the only way they help me financially if I live with him is if I marry him too. So I marry him. Years of abuse and divorce later I’m here still so angry over my entire life choices I was forced into. I’m angry that my parents see this all as me making dumb teenage mistakes and don’t see their role in anything. I’m here trying to get through college with comments from my dad about how I’m still working on my bachelor degree years and years later like as if he’s not the reason because I’ve been raising a kid this whole time and working the majority of it. Like somehow I’m supposed to graduate in 4 years with everything I’m dealing with. I have crippling ptsd and I feel like total shit most of the week and I’m just so overwhelmed with anger toward everyone that I don’t know how to have a good relationship with them. At the same time I can’t cut them off either because I do like spending family events together when not discussing my trauma. I just don’t know how to heal from this. Sorry for the long post and appreciate anyone who got this far!