Does anyone have any issues with others in their family competing illnesses and pain like it’s a challenge? Every time I try to explain things to one of my parents, they cut me off and say they have it worse or have that every day. It’s so irritating because I’m just trying to explain or sometimes they even ask. Since I’m finally getting some diagnoses after years, now they are trying to say they have the same things wrong without all these symptoms. I don’t know, it’s just very frustrating 😕
Myalgic encephalomyelitis/ Chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS)
Yes. I've been living with chronic pain for 16 years. My mom's developed 5 years ago. While her experience is absolutely valid on its own, I very much resent the comparison and accusations that I "don't know pain" like she knows pain. Message me if you ever need an ally! I'm slowly training her (sounds bad, but that's absolutely what I'm doing) in ways I will and will not tolerate her speaking about my condition with the help of my therapist. It's actually gotten through and helped a ton. Sometimes you have to be the grown up.
yes, it's my dad and that's why it took me as long as it did to be seen for my pain. he has had it a lot longer for sure but i actually ran away from home last year because of the comments he was making all the time about me trying to get on ssa disability
One of my sisters kind of does this... It's interesting because she's an otherwise extremely compassionate person.
Both of us were late to being diagnosed for a lot of near-lifelong issues... So i think she does it out of a form of self protection, since her issues (... And mine) were ignored and invalidated for so long. She seems to feel like she still needs to prove she is struggling, and to do that needs to be worse off. She doesn't realize by over validating herself she's accidentally invalidating me and our other siblings.
I probably should open up to her about it, but you know, it feels awkward and i fear making her feel invalidated to some point along the way... Or creating an argument. So i feel the need to find the right moment.
One of my other sisters also treats it like a challenge/competition.... But in a weirdly playful way. Also finally coming to terms with it, trying to feel validated, and trying to understand herself. It's not as combative feeling or invalidating (usually) but it still doesn't seem healthy. It seems like a trauma response.
Yes, my mother. We could start our own support group for sure!
Absolutely. This is super frustrating, especially when feeling heard is one of the only things that makes you feel slightly better. If you ever need validation or encouragement, please reach out to me and we can chat! Try to find 1-2 friends or family members who listen well, and then perhaps have those loved ones explain your conditions to the ones who don’t listen. 💕
adding to this - if you can't find family who are supportive, make your own. a found family is just as good or better than blood family, so supportive friends can replace what you don't get from antagonistic family members
Yes my great aunts especially are terrible about this. Making comments at dinner about how “everyone has problems but they still have jobs and are productive members of society”. I have reached the point where I no longer want to be around them and intentionally skip family events because of them. And I think it is completely valid to cut anyone off who isn’t being supportive
I have to completely agree with you. Unfortunately the person I will be cutting off soon is my mother. This experience with her over the past 8 months really opened up a lot of memories and realization that she’s always been like this but I had somehow blocked out.
I was just complaining about this😭 I got really sick and lost a bunch of weight and a family member went on a diet that she told us about then months later complained that she didn’t know why she was so skinny and she had to find a doctor. It’s so frustrating😭
Yessssssss. It can feel so frustrating
Oh, for sure. People don't realize this illness is not the kind of fatigue others feel at the end of a long day. It is crippling, life altering, intolerable pain and fatigue that doesn't improve with rest. I long ago gave up trying to make people hear it from me. I shared some videos of people with M.E., and that really helped make them get it. Unrest, which can be seen on Netflix, is one I would recommend.
Hardships should never be compared. The person who is drowning in 7 feet of water is just as dead as the person drowning in 20 feet of water- so anyone telling you that they/other people have it worse is not a fair point
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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