Struggling with Depression and Anxiety

I had a really rough patch w my depression the past year and this yr so far, and a lot of my family has given up on me seeing me struggle instead of being supportive. I definitely felt like giving up a hunnid+ times and I haven't so why was I given up on, cuz I'm an adult now. I have severe anxiety and depression that disables me and I only got help once when I was 16 cuz i tried kms and I wanted to stop self harm. Being hospitalized 2 wks aint do shit and just made me realize I'm not worth shit unless I look at myself and not how others look at me w thier cock eyes. Keep in mind I've been searching for jobs on and off since i was 17 but 18 i hurt my back and needed a yr and half to heal in order to work anywhere and I'm boutta be 20 in a few days now. I gotta keep going I know that but I feel hopeless cuz of the given situation I'm in at the moment so any insight? I'm all over the place like a can of spilled beans cuz imagine spilled milk and then a can of beans, beans really bad lmao