Living with Borderline Personality Disorder: The Constant Crisis

Today I learned that my 80lb dog and I can comfortably fit in the back of my small 2007 G6 and the amount of anxiety relief that fact gave me is sad. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder often causes me to see things in black and white and feel my emotions at very extreme levels. This often creates overwhelming anxiety and paranoia throughout my daily life especially regarding how happy I am with my current situation and how I manage and process conflicts with those around me. I often find myself wishing I could just pick up and leave. Pack the items I'd need to survive, sell my most valuable things that I wouldn't be able to use anyway, and go. But I'm often faced with the facts. I don't have money. I don't have food. etc... But often the thing that holds me in place the most is the love of my dog and the emotional support that she provides me and I her. But here I am laying with her in the back of my car thinking "Wow. I really could go now." In the end these thoughts are very irrational and unrealistic but the fact is this only one of countless extreme scenarios that play through my mind on a daily basis. My life feels like one constant crisis and I always feel like everything is crashing down even when Im not in danger of losing anything at all.