Struggling with Self-Harm and Seeking Help

I don't really know where else to go with this, because when I try to talk about my episodes to a lot of people it feels like I'm speaking another language. Hoping folks here get it. I relapsed with self harm last night. I was in such a panicked state and couldn't breathe from crying. Even years before my bipolar II diagnosis, gauging at myself with my nails and biting my hands had been the way I tried to push these overwhelming emotions "to the side." The physical pain puts the emotional pain in the backseat. Despite all of this, I can't seem to bring myself to actually CALL a new therapist or make an appointment with a new OBGYN (I have hormonal issues that contribute to all of this as well). A combination of anxiety and self loathing really compounds the more I put it off, but I still can't seem to take the leap for some reason. I've looked up lists of providers my new insurance covers... and then done nothing with the list. Today, even with a self-inflicted, bruised and throbbing index finger, my inability to make the damn calls is haunting me. The executive dysfunction is really strong right now. My episode yesterday was triggered by something SO trivial, I'm mortified. How do I conquer that anxiety and FINALLY take the simple steps I need to care for myself?