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Struggling to Connect: My Experience as an Autistic Person

SunInAugust

678d

I hate my mind. I hate my mind so much. I hate how heavy my life is and how differently I socialize. its so hard to truly feel connected and understood by others. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm trying to communicate and understand. but it feels like I'll always be too much, too little, or too misunderstood. why is it so difficult? why does everyone have an expiration date? I'm not trying to be too difficult. I'm just hurt and trying to have my needs met. I wish i wasn't autistic.

1

7

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Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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Top reply
    • Hayls

      675d

      I feel this. It is so difficult and can be so incredibly lonely.

      2

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    • Hayls

      675d

      I feel this. It is so difficult and can be so incredibly lonely.

      2

      Reply
    • Storme25

      678d

      I understand I'm autistic and want the opposite and it feels like no one cares

      2

      Reply
    • KatieKitKat

      678d

      It feels constant but it will change we just need to give it time which is hard to do but it'll get better eventually.

      1

      Reply
    • KatieKitKat

      678d

      I understand. My mind will frustrate me & will repeat my mistakes over & over even when I try to change my mind. And communicating is hard at times for me too. When I get frustrated & don't know what to do in a situation I normally snap but the last time I did that at work I got a write up, cuz I wasn't letting the problem go & talking in front of customers. I knew I messed up when I got in my car to go home after close, but it still hurt to get a write up as it's the 1st one I've gotten in the 4 years I've been there & I cried for like 2 hours. Sorry I ranted, just wanted to let you know I understand

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      Reply
      • SunInAugust

        678d

        @KatieKitKat do you also feel like those big feelings and thoughts are so sticky and they don't go away no matter what you do? I feel like the black and white sense of justice in autistic people is more that....the stickiness of thoughts. I feel like humanity is so inclined to forget about the difficult, unjust, and traumatic. But in autistic brain it doesn't stop being true, those truths are ever present and bothersome so we don't shut up about it.

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        Reply
        • KatieKitKat

          678d

          @SunInAugust yes I totally agree! Once it's in my brain it sticks & wont leave me alone, especially when it's something that happened to me or close friends & family.

          1

          Reply

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