Feeling Empty and Alone: My Struggle with Addiction and Self-Worth

I feel so empty, it’s like the only emotion i feel is loneliness and it’s weird i’ve started feeling dead, i hardly laugh i’m always so serious, and i hate it, people always see my as a dead beat, but the only time i’m somewhat happy is when i’m near my friends, who are drug addicted weirdos and i’m always trying to impress then by doing drugs my self, i don’t want to but they make me feel like a 🐱 if i don’t, i just want to be loved for the person i am, not for being some person who does drugs and starts fights. I wish i had someone to talk to, without seeming like a weirdo, i don’t even want to live anymore, the days are all the same, every one thinks i’m some pathetic junky, i wish i wasn’t born the way i was or that i didn’t choose the friends i did. It’s caused this empty feeling i hate seeing other people happy simply because i want to be like them