My Mom is So Confusing: A Venting Session

my mom is so confusing. one second she’s telling me she’s here for me and wants to support me, the next i’m talking ab how I hate that I can’t get through A&P.. and she gets snappy saying i’m being disrespectful. and I responded w this is why we don’t talk ab how i’m feeling, and she replied w , idc tell your therapist ab it. I just wanna scream and punch something. she gets pissed when I end up in the hospital from an attempt.. and it’s like bitch you are the whole reason i’m here. you didn’t protect me against my father growing up, you never supported my emotional needs, still don’t, i’m living in a constant state of insecurity, I starved myself bc you were so adamant that being skinny was the only way to be healthy, you down played when someone assaulted me when I was 8, so when I got assaulted again, I still didn’t know it was wrong of them. instead you blame me. god I feel so alone.