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Need Space from Clingy Partner

TheOnlySneezles

469d

Anytime I say to him I'd like space, he keeps saying "Please tell me we are still together. I don't want to lose you." Can I just take time to myself...

6

16

16

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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Top reply
    • Mousyhuman

      469d

      @4byfour I definitely agree with this. From experience I know what it’s like to be anxious and I’m a relationship and I have realised in hindsight it was not healthy for me or my partner. It’s so so important to take time for yourself and allow each other to grow as individuals

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    • Brainiac5

      468d

      My ex was like that. Among other bad things. He expected me to spend all my time with him or talking to him when he was free. Cause I would have the day to ‘have space’ while he was working. He didn’t get that it’s not like I can schedule breakdowns and stuff. Sometimes I didn’t want to talk, you know have time to myself or get something done without have to constantly message him so much that I couldn’t really do anything cause he expected me to reply straight away.

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    • sintristezaporfavor

      468d

      I think you need an honest conversation, where you say you want to stay together, and that that's good, but that you need to set some boundaries to keep yourself healthy/relaxed/something.

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    • Ammenaras

      469d

      “Yes we are still together now give me my space”

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    • Eren2273

      469d

      You can take time for yourself. Even if he doesn't like it, do it anyway and ignore him if he attempts to stop you. He could be using this to manipulate you too, I've had it done to me before. If you think that's possible, try taking a look at your past experiences with him and imagine that if someone else was in your situation and told you about it, would what they told you look like red flags?

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      • TheOnlySneezles

        469d

        @Eren2273 Like we can't talk all the time, we have things to do. All the red flags are in another post, and I just don't know what to do.

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        • Eren2273

          468d

          @TheOnlySneezles if there's red flags, you need to do something about that.

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      • 4byfour

        469d

        @Eren2273 I’m with you. Sometimes you have to draw that line, and then adapt. Anxiety isn’t always logical/talk-through-able!! Plus, even if he has good intentions, if it isn’t healthy for you, you’re only gonna feel alone if you can’t develop that reliable relationship with yourself. I mean, relationships are not fragile, and he’s just gonna have to learn that while you spread your wings a little :)

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        • TheOnlySneezles

          469d

          @4byfour Exactly! I wanted space to deal with things I cannot express, or talk through. It's difficult I must say for him because he wants to know. But sometimes you need to do things alone to develop yourself more.

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        • Mousyhuman

          469d

          @4byfour I definitely agree with this. From experience I know what it’s like to be anxious and I’m a relationship and I have realised in hindsight it was not healthy for me or my partner. It’s so so important to take time for yourself and allow each other to grow as individuals

          4

          Reply
      • Stephaniej12112

        469d

        @Eren2273 i think this is really great advice! You deserve alone time and it doesn't mean you want to break up or that you hate them. I have abandonment issues and I used to be really worried that if my partner wanted alone time, he didn't want to be with me. But it has taken a lot of time, growth, and therapy to show that the alone time we BOTH get is not a bad thing, but a good thing. If you don't get time alone to take care of yourself and your needs, you won't be able to do a very good job of taking care of anyone else.

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        • TheOnlySneezles

          469d

          @Stephaniej12112 He keeps mentioning since we've been talking that his ex gave him the issue of if someone wants to be alone, he immediately goes to "are they leaving me" but he knows I won't leave him, I tell him everyday but I do understand the situation but he needs to do something about it, like I have a lot of trauma associated with relationships, and I've struggled a lot yes, it comes to me a lot but I'm moving on, even if it drags me a bit, I am doing my best to do so. I don't know if its a tactic of his to keep bringing me back to talking even if I really need to be alone.

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    • K0da

      469d

      Yes they are afraid we will leave them and you don't want to you just need to be independent

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      • TheOnlySneezles

        469d

        @K0da Sometimes it's just because I need to work, as I've been alone in my department all week. I have times where i struggle and just want to be alone, and want to focus on me...from what he's been saying all the time, it's a struggle keeping 2 people's lives alive, when you can barely keep yourself alive.

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        • K0da

          469d

          @TheOnlySneezles exactly me too

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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