Metal

141d

I'm really confused right now and a bit freaked out. This post is about my sexual history and the literal overnight switch.

So first off I'm lucky to get more than 3 hours of sleep a day, and when I do sleep, it's always nightmares. Always. It's been that way for almost 10 years.

Second, I'm not a virgin, but my second, and latest, girlfriend I had almost 2 years ago had sex exactly 3 times. These were the only times I've had sex. Because of my depression (I assume) I wasnt able to orgasm a single time. She broke up with me soon after that, I suspect because she expressed she was a very sexual person, and I couldn't give her what she wanted, though she gave me different reasons at the time of the break up. She was visibly upset each night I failed to finish, which didn't help in the nights that followed.

Third, it's not as though I've had no drive at all, but I would only maybe need to take care of myself once or twice a month max. I haven't been attracted to girls in the way guys usually are for about 7 years, when the bulk of my trauma began. I even suspected for a while and talked to my therapist recently about me actually being asexual but she wanted to hold off on it until further evaluation, as I was now also on antidepressants which are known to severely lessen or sometimes kill sexual drive.

Now to the part I've been trying to get at. I've never had a sex dream, or even a wet dream. Really. I've just woken up from a really intense sex dream and woke up to realize it was also a wet dream. My drive as well feels like it's gone from the absolute lowest to the absolute highest I've ever felt and I'm extremely confused and uncomfortable. I'm sure I haven't been drugged or anything so I'm wondering if anyone's ever gone through something like this.

Anhedonia

Excessive sexual drive

Insomnia

Chronic Memory Loss

Depression

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