Layley

100d

I need advice I’m scared to ask for. I’ve been with my husband for a long time. Our 10 year wedding anniversary is in 9 days.. and we were together years before that (high school so the amount is kinda murky) we’re still young we got married young so we practically grew up together until now.

We’ve been through the trenches, like drug abuse, almost homeless, jobless, so on, but one thing that always stayed strong was our friendship and connection, we both loved each other so much through all of those things that it made them okay. A year ago he started hearing voices, and we found out his prescription adderall had caused psychosis. He quit cold turkey and used benzodiazepines and an antipsychotic and got back to normal but it was really really scary, and almost deadly (long story) on my birthday but I stood by him and supported him and accepted him and took the verbal abuse that I knew he didn’t mean until he was better. That took a toll on me, along with all the other traumas in my life and wouldn’t you know it I’m severely depressed meanwhile still battling a lifelong anxiety disorder.


He’s stuck by me, and supported me letting me not work etc to get better. He’s very special and those actions mean so much to me. But the last 4 months or so, have been scary. I don’t know him anymore. It’s not psychosis he’s not acting paranoid he’s acting like he hates me. Every sentence out of his mouth has become an insult, he verbally abuses me to the point that I have no self esteem left at all. He says I’m making up my depression to get out of shit, like he used to understand and now suddenly he doesn’t?

He acts miserable, I tell him something usually he’d find funny- I get a meh response. It’s really obvious he’s depressed. He told me he doesn’t care if he lives or dies. Doesn’t care if that hurts me. A stark difference in a year ago when he said “if what I have right now, me, you, my not so great job, this rented room, was all I ended up with id still be the happiest guy alive” (before the psychosis) and now I can’t make him laugh, I can’t talk without being interrupted about something selfish, I get dogged for everything I do that isn’t perfect.

meanwhile I’m depressed trying to find a reason I was even born and he’s mad that 1 out of 10 days I didn’t clean it’s amazing that I cleaned for 9! I bring this all up to him often too, he said he’d see about anti depressants on the 13th, then that changed to the 20th, then today, now the 28th and he’s at work and we’re arguing over text bc I told him I don’t know what to do anymore and he just gets defensive and verbally abusive.


I love him so much. I don’t want to lose him. He could have left me when I was aggressively addicted to coke, or pain pills, but he didn’t. So I cant force a person to get help, how can I get my person back? Or do I not? I’ve called helplines, his useless family, I seriously don’t know what to do anymore I’m tired of being insulted 24/7 and I fucking miss my best friend bc he was the only friend I had and now I’m alone. What would you do?

Substance Use Disorder (SUD)

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Low Mood

View all
  • Sophialo123

    94d

    Hi, have you tried talking to him about the situation? It could be that he is going through something unrelated to you and is somehow projecting his feelings onto you. I'm familiar with this situation, it's a very embarrassing and complicated situation to be in. In addition, I think he may need professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Maybe you should both go to therapy. I learned that these treatments are very helpful and highly recommend them. Anyway, I'm sending hugs from afar.

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