the love of my life just broke up with me. i do not know what to do to heal from this. she said to text her when i become a better man. i do not know how to change as a person, i need some advice that will help me change for her.
Do not change for another person. If you want to change, do it for yourself and yourself only. You deserve a woman that loves you for you. Sometimes, the person you think is for you isn't necessarily the person that could be for you.
Be unapologetically yourself, and a woman who will appreciate every little thing, including the imperfections, will come along.
To help heal, I suggest surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you, be it family, friends, etc. Find something that you enjoy, and just focus on you. Be your best self, and it will shine through!
None of us know you so asking us how you should change is about as good as blind guessing. Like MusicalMicha says you shouldnt change for someone else. Take a long look at yourself first and think about what really needs to change. Try not to judge when you do it, just take a look, in a mirror or close your eyes and look around that head and decide for yourself What qualities are worth keeping, which are worth abandoning and Why they are worth keeping or abandoning. Once you have done this maybe ask them what qualities they like and didnt like and why and cross reference and take another look and decide again. You spend your whole lofe doing this unconciously, picking up new behaviors as you age, and (hopefully) losing ones that are seen as immature, or harmful. Might as well put some though in who Caesar is, if you going to be if you are going to be Caesar
best advice: change for yourself. My depression got so much worse after a devestating breakup and i couldnt get over it for like 2 whole years, i wish i started to try to heal earlier.
My best healing came out of me asking myself: what do i want out of life? what do i value?
If you value having meaningful connections, reach out to existing friends, or try to ignite bonds with old ones or new acquaintances, have a bro night, find someone you trust and open up. Maybe you value mental wellbeing, build your emotional intelligence, figure out whats causing you pain and stress and remove it from your life, replace it with more constructive activities. Maybe you value good health; improve your sleep schedule, eat a little bit healthier, start listening to your body & try to give it what it needs.
When you are your best self, proud of who you are and how far youve come, or even just working towards living whatever you consider a "good life", you are instantly more attractive (as long as you're not a dick about it). Self-care increases in self-value. Just dont let her rule your life. Focus on what *you* want, if its right, itll happen.
also if youre 16 shes probably not the love of your life. Sorry, but ive been there. 16 not even a man yet, dont let someone telling you to be a better one ruin your life. People grow and change, a lot, relationships not working out, especially at this age, is often more of a force of nature than a personal failure. Don't beat yourself up, just do your best to grow.
Also for the love of god do not do it by watching alpha males content they are con artists disguised as gurus and will only mentally and emotionally stunt you.
this was worded terribly, im sorry i was asking for advice and you say she isnt the love of my life? sugarcoat it for me at least, im going through a horrible time right now, think before you give advice like this because im lowkey bawling my eyes out because you said that😭
hey man im sorry, ur right shouldve thought it thru a bit more. I really mean it when i said 'probably', nothing is impossible. Its just at that age you have so much growing and changing ahead of you its unlikely two people will grow in the same way and still be compatible. There is nothing wrong with that. I promise you, life is so much more than another person, and you will be so much happier in the long run if you become truly comfortable as an induvidual first, even if you end up with the same person.
Its just something i wish i couldve heard when i was going through the same thing, i legitimately thought my life was over and that no one would ever love me again. after way too much time dwelling over it, and then even longer to get myself to a better place, it ended up just being a chapter im my life story. Years later i am in a wonderful commited relationship that is so much better for me and my partner, but i am also a completly different person then i was then. That relationship wouldbt be healthy or sustainable with who we are now. Spending that whole time doing it for them wouldn't have gotten me to where i am now.
You are worthy of love. You are also allowed to grieve, that love you feel is very real, take however much time you need. But when, if, you feel readu, come back to this post, I had to learn it the hard way. Maybe she was the love of your life, i wont invalidate your feelings, i dont know your situation. For me, there is no single love of my life, that is completely disregard human nature of growth. someone can mean the absolute world to you at one point in your life, and it not lasting does not make it any less significant. Whether or not something lasts forever is not an accurate appraisal of its value, thats a harmful notion influenced by the deep christian roots in our society.
Once again, this is all hypotheical, based on anecdotal evidence. Nothing is impossible, i do not know you or your love. Do not let anyone control your destiny, me or this person.
Im just saying, let yourself grow and become your true self, if you two are right, you will find your way back to eachother, if you are soulmates you becoming the best you you can be will make you no less likely to get back with her.
I believe in you. take your time.
XD the "alpha males" bit- oh my god I don't even read that bit of your comment before but it's so true and fkn hilarious
The others put it better, but don't change for someone else as micha said, it's not going to work if all you want is someone else to think you're better. See if therapy is an option and work towards bettering yourself because you WANT too.
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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