Struggling to Love Life

I don't like living. it's hard, and boring, and painful, and wonderful. Some say going through the pain is worth the reward. But I find that even the positives disappear overtime, and I'm left alone to do nothing but wallow and think about everything I could have done to make the momentary bliss last just a little longer. I have gotten so tired of reliving this pattern over and over. So, I'm going to accept. Pain is inevitable, however suffering is a choice. I would like to change myself for the better, live for the moment. It's easy to do now, but to keep that promise to myself, especially when I see so many difficult tasks ahead of me, is the hard part. I once heard that life is a bit like a race, in that we seem to get that burst of will power when we see the finish line in site, however when that finish line is moved a kilometer forward, it's easy to give up. The trial isn't when you've come so far already and almost made it and push further, but when that progress is taken from you, what will you do? I would like to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I don't. So I suppose what I do know is the true test of my character. I'll hope to love life one day.